Here are a few programs to look out for in the upcoming week ...

THURSDAY 10 P.M. Theme Park Road Trip, Travel Channel. In Las Vegas, the only sure bet for a good time is riding the Big Shot, 1,000 feet above the Vegas strip. In Orlando, swim with dolphins at Discovery Cove and visit Universal Studios. Then get ready for huge thrills at Cedar Point in Ohio. Add sharks, and this could be Travel Channel's highest rated program ever.

THURSDAY 10 P.M. Earthquake Storms, Discovery. The historic city of Istanbul, one of the largest cities in the world, is facing possible destruction in the not-too-distant future. The culprit is a phenomenon known as an earthquake storm, which seismologists feel is inevitable, but can't predict its exact date. Can modern technology and warning systems save the lives of 4 million people? The city used to be called Constantinople, of course. Why did it get the works? That's nobody's business but the Turks, the Four Lads told us long ago (and They Might Be Giants re-told us about a dozen years back).

SATURDAY MIDNIGHT. Even Stevens, Disney Channel. In honor of this series' Shia LeBoeuf's snagging a daytime Emmy, Disney Channel is running a marathon of this fine sitcom.

TUESDAY 10 P.M. Unmasked: Exposing the Secrets of Deception, TLC. These programs are always fun. Hoaxes are revealed as experts demonstrate how crop circles are actually man-made, how séances are staged and how mind readers dupe their clients. Oddly, people still get away with these shenanigans.

TUESDAY 10:30 P.M. The Osbournes, MTV. A f%#@ing new season of America's favorite dysfunctional family. Bloody hell. They weren't going to do another season, but when the SoundScan® numbers rolled in on Ozzy's album, there was a sudden change of heart.

WEDNESDAY 10:30 P.M. Celebrities Uncensored, E! In this new series, E! takes you off the red carpet and away from the usual celebrity fanfare to give you a candid and unrehearsed look at your favorite celebrities in real life and in real time. This uncensored look at Hollywood's finest also offers a major reality check on what these top celebrities face day in, day out as they live in the glare of the spotlight. Most celebrities choose to negotiate with the paparazzi with hopes that they'll ease up, but even the coolest of stars sometimes lose their cool when approached by persistent celebrity-focused cameras. I have the very same problem ... bloody paparazzi! P%#@ off right now! (A lot of fake cussing in GT this week.)

WEDNESDAY 10:30 P.M. Paper Lion, TCM. Four years before the M*A*S*H TV series, Alan Alda starred as George Plimpton in the movie version of the best-selling book. Plimpton, a sportswriter, tried to catch on as quarterback with the Detroit Lions. He played one series in an exhibition game and lost 40 yards. Nice film, though.

NEWS & NOTES: A Lizzie McGuire set in high school has been scrapped by Disney due to a contract dispute between star Hillary Duff and the network, according to Zap2it.com. ... Matt Groening, the creator of The Simpsons, received the Reuben award for outstanding cartoonist of the year on May 24.

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