Robert Hawkins is one of America’s foremost joke tellers, something that’s a bit of a dying art in stand-up these days. “I talk about how I’m a procrastinator,” he says, “and I haven’t gotten around to writing the punchline.” Often he jumps from topic to topic, simply because he just can’t concentrate on long bits. “My mind wanders too much,” he confesses. “I don’t have ADD, my mind is just filled with a lot of crap.” He gives an example, “I think God must be in prison, because that’s where everybody finds him.
He’s definitely not what you would call a relationship comic but he’s prepared to make the switch. “I’m not married,” he states, “but I live like I’m married. I want to be ready. I don’t want to make an abrupt transition.” Towards that end he’s doing things he imagines a married fella should do. “I shave—not today, though. I’m angry at her. I don’t even know who she is but we’re fighting.” Robert Hawkins performs at The Funny Bone on the Levee Thursday-Sunday. $12-$14. Get showtimes, tickets and find nearby bars and restaurants here.