WEDNESDAY JULY 14
It’s easy to accept that notion that
former New York Yankee owner George Steinbrenner was smarter than CBS,
which sold Steinbrenner sports’ most prized franchise for $8.7 million
in 1973. U.S. Sen. Jim Bunning today argued that Steinbrenner, who died
today as the owner a franchise worth $1.6 billion, is not only smarter
than the station that continues producing How I Met Your Mother
but also smarter than everyone who dies in the future. The logic behind
the statement by Bunning, who pitched in the majors but chose to
continue living afterward, is that dying last year or next year would
have cost the Steinbrenner family $500 million due to the temporarily
suspended estate tax. Bunning said that if Obama doesn’t continue the
Bush tax cuts that the remaining members of the 1961 Yankees would be
smart to die soon, too.
THURSDAY JULY 15
If you’ve ever considered purchasing
property in Madeira, it’s likely that you only did so briefly because
you could only afford half of what a home costs there. Madeira City
Council is expected to vote later this summer on whether to help out a
development company in a similar predicament by granting a 15-year
50-percent property-tax abatement, and one local resident is posting
Barack Obama HOPE-style posters of council members that include words
like “TAX ABATER” and “OBEY COUNCIL” in opposition. City Manager Tom
Moeller said the posters are being taken down due to the over-commercialization of street art a violation of the zoning code but also noted that one
female councilor was particularly offended because her poster looked a
lot like Andre the Giant.
FRIDAY JULY 16
Have you ever been forced to use one of
your poor friend’s cell phones to make a call only to rub your index
finger across the screen and have nothing happen because the phone has
actual buttons? Flip-phone owners around the world today were repaid for
such bothersome details in their lives, as news spread of the new
iPhone’s problem getting a signal if it’s held a certain way.
Apple
reportedly used part of the phone’s outer case as an antenna, which
sometimes malfunctions when people don’t hold their phone in a cool way
(pinky off). Designers noted that covering the spot with a case
alleviates the problem, though one engineer admitted that he tried to
make the iPhone float around on its own so you could use it without
hands.
SATURDAY JULY 17
There are certain drawbacks to utilizing
Revolutionary-era period costumes to make a contemporary political
point: The costumes are hot, expensive and look really, really dumb.
Some might also point out the symbolic irony of dressing up like people
who defied a government due to high taxes while being cool with
enslaving a race of people (Thomas Jefferson: “First ethical issue
first...”). Such concepts haven’t deterred today’s Tea Party
representatives from being offended by a Democratic staffer’s
distribution of a cartoon depicting them in Ku Klux Klan robes, another
period costume only utilized today by crazy people. Tea Party founder
Mike Wilson said the party backs black candidates and even refers to
those who support the movement the most as “the really, really good
ones.”
SUNDAY JULY 18
Contamination of a local waterway is of
little concern to those of us who live close enough to the Mill Creek to
see firsthand the mild effects it has on human behavior (mostly just
keeping people away from the Mill Creek). The Louisville Courier-Journal
today reported a situation in the Ohio River so disturbing that even we
who live upstream took notice: the feminization of male fish. A new
study found dozens of chemicals and pharmaceuticals in the river —
including good stuff like antidepressants and bad stuff like veterinary
hormones — which outside scientists say should be of concern to humans
until we learn to take all of our medicines as prescribed or invent a
new liquid that allows us to continue living.
MONDAY JULY 19
Consider this situation: You’re sitting
in a chain restaurant enjoying a well-priced burger and a fun, 1950s-era
atmosphere when something really cool starts to happen — a woman takes
down her shirt, exposes a bosom and then … let’s a baby suck on it!
EWWW! Such was the sad state of affairs at Newport on the Levee’s Johnny
Rockets location last week, and instead of being congratulated for
kicking the child-nourishing woman out of the establishment, managers
are now being criticized for treading on the mother’s legal right to
breastfeed in public. The woman reportedly took exception to continued
complaints by men in the restaurant, noting that the type of man likely
to eat at Johnny Rockets should probably consider seeing one boob a day a
success.
TUESDAY JULY 20
Americans might be susceptible to certain
gimmicks: two-for-one pizzas, all-you-can-eat buffets and 99-cent
Junior Bacon Cheeseburgers are all pretty reliable in getting us to open
our wallets. President Obama today argued that even the biggest JBC
enthusiast isn’t so stupid that he or she won’t try to find future work
if offered a minimal salary free for six months, a notion Republicans
have used to block an unemployment extension for 2.5 million people
since May. Republicans say they’re doing it only to keep down the
national debt and that they have a lot of faith in the American public
for resisting health-care reform enough to keep the death panels from
forming.
HAVE A GREAT DAY: letters@citybeat.com
