Love and sex are our most private experiences, yet they're almost always shared with another person. Or several people, sometimes at once.
But when it comes to admitting to these feelings or to personal preferences, usually we're scared to express ourselves -- even to our most intimate friends and lovers.
For the second year in a row right before Valentine's Day, CityBeat has tried to open communication on the topics of love and sex via the avenue that seems to work best: anonymity. And the results have again proven our hypothesis correct, as you've told us (and the world) about your sexual habits, your embarrassments, your triumphs and your inner-most thoughts and feelings.
We received more than 600 survey responses, and we've crunched the numbers to provide a snapshot of Greater Cincinnati's State of Love and Sex. We've also culled the best responses from the open-ended questions.
Overall, the percentages don't vary too greatly from last year's survey, which, if we remember our basic statistics class from college, means these numbers likely offer a representative sample. Here's what we see:
• Downtown, Over-the-Rhine, Mount Adams and Clifton were the ZIP codes with the largest numbers of surveys.
• 65 percent of responders were 35 years old or younger.
• Responders were mostly heterosexual (79 percent).
• 30 percent have had sex with someone in the workplace.
• 84 percent would have sex on the first date if they thought the chemistry were right.
• 70 percent have been cheated on, but only 59 percent say they've cheated on someone else.
• 48 percent have observed another couple having sex.
• 80 percent have had a sexual experience in a public place.
• Nick Lachey and Tricia Macke are hot.
Share the survey results with your friends and lovers, and make them the topic of conversation on your big Valentine's Day date. Maybe you'll get the juices flowing and end up with something worth telling us about in next year's survey.
(Note: The 2008 Love & Sex Survey was posted at citybeat.com from Dec. 26 through Feb. 1. Respondents were asked to provide their email addresses but not required. Percentages have been rounded off. Only the highlights of the open-ended answers are presented.)
1. What's your gender?
Both: Less than 1%
2. How old are you?
Younger than 18: 1%
3. What's your ZIP code?
Top 10 survey responses (in order):
A total of 107 different area ZIP codes had more than one survey response
4. What general sexual category describes you?
I like the opposite sex: 79%
I like the same sex: 9%
I like either sex: 12%
5. Are you in a committed relationship?
Yes, but not for much longer: 6%
No, but I wish I were: 22%
No, and I'm in no rush to be in one: 14%
6. Are you in any uncommitted relationships?
I'm seeing someone, but it's not serious: 11%
I'm seeing many people right now: 5%
I'm seeing someone outside of my committed relationship: 4%
There are many others outside of my committed relationship: 3%
Both my partner and I see other people: 5%
7. On average, how many times in the last month have you masturbated?
Less than once a week: 23%
Twice a week: 26%
Every other day: 22%
More than once a day: 6%
8. Has anyone ever walked in on you while you were masturbating?
Yes, and I've never been more embarrassed: 14%
Yes, but it was no big deal: 23%
9. Have you ever had sex (with a partner) in your workplace?
Yes, but it was after hours: 18%
Yes, and it was during work hours: 12%
No way, no thanks: 28%
No, but I've always wanted to: 42%
10. How many sex partners (excluding yourself) have you had in the last two years?
More than 20: 5%
11. What's been the biggest age difference between you and a sex partner?
5 years: 43%
10 years: 23%
15 years: 16%
20 years: 9%
25 years: 4%
30 years: 4%
40 years: Less than 1%
45 years: Less than 1%
12. Do you have a favorite sexual position?
Doggy Style: 24%
I couldn't choose just one: 42%
Anything to Add:
"Bow and Arrow"
"The Skally Wag Tag"
"Praying Monkey Jangle Twist Lubed with Toothpaste"
"Too many that are too complex to add here. Whoever wrote/ edited this list has no imagination and I feel sorry for them."
"Why aren't these questions optional if you're a 22-year-old virgin?"
13. Describe a time when you weren't expecting to have sex but did.
"At a gas station on our way to the airport."
"In the coat check closet at a wedding reception."
"My then-boyfriend and I had gone to a concert, and we ended up having sex in the car while we waited for the parking lot traffic jam to resolve itself."
"After I found out that my friend died."
"In the bathroom of a bar. It was hot, dirty and amazing. The thrill of getting caught was fun too!"
"Freezing cold outside, while leaving parents house after a long day with family, did it standing up against parents van outside. No one heard, no one saw, thank God."
"At work, we were doing it doggie style while behind a door in which I could see the entrance and if anyone was coming. It was awesome!"
"One time while I was staying over at my boyfriend's house, who was still living with his parents at the time. We were just chilling, watching television, drinking a little, when suddenly he just flipped me over on the couch, grabbed my hair tightly in his fingers and said, 'It's going in your ass.' I was pretty stunned seeing as this was our first time getting sexual, although the idea of the some dirty, nasty and rough sex right outside of his parents' bedroom -- and for the first time -- didn't seem too shabby."
"Shopping at Home Depot, I got to talking with a busty older woman, who gave me a blowjob in the parking lot."
"At my best friend's wedding as a bridesmaid, in the 'country cottage' bathroom complete with flowered wallpaper and pink tile."
"At my then-boyfriend's parents' house in their foyer while everyone was sleeping."
"A teacher at my daughter's school who I knew from high school."
"Driving my car down the highway. It was difficult to see the road."
"We were hiking through the woods and ended up sitting on a fallen tree, and next thing I know we were getting it on. We broke the tree!"
"After my wife told me she was having an affair."
"On the beach. Literally sex on the beach, right over a dune. We noticed folks on the other side watching, but it was feeling too good for either of us to stop."
"Sex is always welcome. Never expect it, and it will be fresh forever."
"After my ex girlfriend and I had broke up, we were at the same party and we ended up hooking up -- completely sober. It was probably the best sex we'd ever had."
"Out at a fund-raising party. We met a fun woman, and one thing led to another and she came home with us."
"Southgate House balcony during a show."
"Wife's company picnic, and it wasn't with the wife."
"On a recent roadtrip to Asheville, N.C., a bit of smutty discussion led to an off-road journey to find a nicely secluded area. We parked under a bridge and boned. After we got back on the road, I was still so worked up that I rubbed one out while he drove. It was quite a view for the passing truckers."
14. How often do you imagine someone other than your partner while having sex?
My mind wanders every now and then: 62%
Most of the time: 11%
Always, it's the only way I can make it through: 2%
15. Which do you find sexier?
A well-dressed hot bod: 54%
An undressed hot bod: 46%
16. If you really thought the chemistry was right, would you have sex on the first date?
No way: 16%
17. Pierced genitalia?
A turn on: 33%
A turn off: 67%
18. Have you ever dated or had sex with more than one person from the same family?
Yes, but not at the same time: 16%
Yes, and at the same time: 3%
No, are you insane?: 81%
19. Have you ever told someone you loved them and not meant it?
Yes, and it works every time: 16%
Yes, but it made me feel terrible: 29%
No, I would never do that: 55%
20. Have you ever wanted to tell someone "I love you" but didn't?
Hasn't everyone?: 65%
When I've felt it I've said it: 32%
I've never been in love: 3%
21. Do you still pine for a former love?
All the time: 11%
I'm content with my memories: 28%
Trust me, there's nothing to pine for: 15%
22. Have you ever been on a truly blind date organized by friends or family?
Yes, and it went well: 16%
Yes, and it was a complete disaster: 21%
23. What's the oddest thing someone has said or asked you on a first date?
"I like being fisted."
"Braid my armpit hair."
"Do you wanna see my laundry room?"
"I am so glad God has brought you to me."
" 'You wanna hold my sword?' It was an actual sword."
"My father is an alcoholic, and I'm hoping to find someone to replace what he wasn't able to provide."
"Do you have a picture of your mother?"
"Have you ever sodomized a woman before?"
"Would you like to have breakfast with me tomorrow? Should I call you or just nudge you?"
"I'd like to see your penis so I know it's worth my time."
"Do you have a sexier brother?"
"Do you like buttermilk enemas?"
"Don't pee on me."
"Do you like to be pissed on?"
"Can I smell your dreadlocks?"
"Want to get naughty in your naughty places?"
"What kind of drugs do you do? I've had them all except H and crack, and I have a plan to do them without becoming addicted."
"Why are you being so nice to the waitress? It's like you are treating her like a person."
"I'm a spitter, not a swallower."
"Will you pull over so I can puke?"
"You remind me of my little brother."
"I purposely didn't shave so I wouldn't want to have sex with you."
24. Have you ever been the cause of someone else's break-up?
Yes, and I'm glad I did it: 17%
Yes, but I wish things had been different: 22%
25. Have you ever been cheated on?
No, thank God: 30%
26. Have you ever cheated on someone?
Yes, and with no regrets: 26%
Yes, but I wish I hadn't: 33%
27. Have you done it with a boss, a teacher or another authority figure?
Ugh no: 61%
No, but I have my eye on someone: 25%
Yes, and it was a bad idea: 4%
Yes, and it was exciting: 10%
28. How would you rate your flirting skills?
I have moments: 71%
I have zero flirting skills: 10%
29. If you discovered pornographic images of someone you knew on the Internet, you would
Tell the person: 40%
Tell others: 14%
Tell the person and others: 24%
Tell no one: 22%
30. What would be an appropriate porn star name for you?
Kream Abdul Jabballs
31. Have you ever observed another couple having sex?
No, that's weird: 23%
No, but I'd like to: 29%
Yes, and it was kinda creepy: 13%
Yes, and I really enjoyed it: 35%
32. Have you ever had a sexual experience in a public place?
33. Have you ever paid for sex?
34. The sex you've been having lately feels
Perfectly timed and wonderful: 18%
Hey, just getting it is what it's all about: 15%
35. What male celebrity/personality in Greater Cincinnati would you like to have a one-night stand with?
Top 3 (in order):
Others who received multiple votes:
Ken Griffey Jr.
36. What female celebrity/personality in Greater Cincinnati would you like to have a one-night stand with?
Top 3 (in order)
Others who received multiple votes:
37. What questions do you suggest for next year?
"What did they say to you to make you fall in love?"
"Do you and your partner use sex toys either together or alone?"
"Most awkward story. Awkward is always funny."
"Just a greater variety in the answers. Only a few had different levels to 'no,' adult virgins were out of luck and it didn't seem that same-sex friendly, though I appreciated the gender options."
"More questions relating to sexual preference."
"Try to get rid of the cutesy stereotype answers. It limits one's ability to respond."
"(For the heteros) Have you ever had a sexual experience with someone of the same sex?"
"Is it possible to stay contented in a relationship/marriage and permit attractions toward the opposite sex as a natural expression of human sexuality?"
"Ask about oral sex."
"Swallow or spit?"
"How many organized functions do you attend just to hook up?"
"Something in the area of safe sex vs. unsafe. Also questions about having sex while drunk or otherwise intoxicated would be interesting."
"Have you ever taken advantage of someone who was drunk?"
"Have you ever tested positive for any STDs, and which ones?"
"At what age did you lose your virginity?"
"How many virgins have you deflowered?"
"Do you have any fetishes such as latex, bondage, body modification? Are you open with your partner? Do others know about it?"
"Something naughy. I wanna read it and blush."
"Is your partner's former sex-life a turn-on?"