· · · Ever experience this type of thought pattern? Non-productive. Barely interesting. Just enough anxiety to be annoying. Endlessly tangential. Often with a detestable, looping soundtrack. If so, you might be one of the millions of Americans who suffer from hypercognitive discharge (HCD) or "mindless thinking." · · · If I take a little bottle of pure black atoms carbon, maybe and I have some way of putting them on a pure white surface one atom at a time, one right next to the other, but not in a straight line, like in a bunch, a cluster, I wonder how many atoms I have to clump together there before they're is visible to the naked eye? · · · "Mindless thinking" doesn't imply an especially high or low IQ. · · · Hey, you're just here for a drink. You're allowed. If she happens to be here, so what? Just ignore her. No. Wrong. Acknowledge her. But just a nod. No, a wave. Maybe a half-nod and a half-wave. Yeah. Unless she's with somebody. Then ignore her. No, don't even let her see you. No, no, start talking to this babe next to me, and let her see me then. See how she likes that. That's if she's with a guy. If she's with a girlfriend, though, I'll ... Well, if she's with Heather, I'll act like everything's fine, buy them a drink, but if it's that bitch Amy, I'll just look the other way. No, because if Amy sees me she'll start trashing me, telling Shelly, "Look who's here acting like he's too good to say 'Hello' " and all kinds of shit. So maybe I preempt that with ... · · · Today, however, just as medical science has helped the immensely proboscisized with rhinoplasty, the overly bazoomed with breast reduction surgery and the obese with stomach reduction surgery (or Fobi pouch), there's relief for overthinkers. It's a fast, simple procedure called the Druling Pleat, developed by neurosurgeon and cranial pioneer, Dr. Hera Druling. The Druling Pleat -- so-called because of the "notch, fold and suture" technique applied to the patient's front orbital lobe -- is a strategic reduction in brain mass designed to eliminate stray thoughts, shrink nagging anxieties, purge pointless rumination. And, in a majority of cases, do it without disturbing problem solving skills, creativity or motor functions. You get all the upside of thinking with none of the downside. Because now the only thing you'll hear between your big ideas or accompanying your daily activities is a soft, comforting, innocuous intracranial white noise. · · · I want a fifth bowl of ice cream ......... My car has been vandalized ............... The phone is ringing during dinner; I better get it ............... Time to sleep ......... · · · Best of all, once you have the Druling Pleat, you'll never think about it again. No regrets. No doubts. No concerns. And isn't that the point, to let science take care of your problem, then get on with the rest of your life? (Side effects associated with the Druling Pleat include mouth-breathing, bowling, mistaking the ottoman for your dog, increased use of public transportation, sudden urges to pass concealed weapon legislation, wearing loafers and no socks, and a diminished grasp of what constitutes medical malpractice.) The Druling Pleat. Today's easy way to zap the crap right out of your brain. ©
