Ty Pennington’s chubbier, less attractive doppelganger Guy Fieri today brought his traveling show to town, spotlighting regal local eateries like Terry’s Turf Club in Linwood. While Fieri yelled about how “wild” the Turf Club is, his staff scrambled to find other local eateries to spotlight on the upcoming episode all about The Cincinnati.
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It's difficult to dispute that Ronald Reagan transformed the nation's political and economic thinking. Getting poor people to believe in the trickle-down theory is like getting a sixth grader to say the Pledge of Allegiance without being scared. That's why a North Carolina congressman today suggested that the government redraw the $50 bill with Reagan's head on it.
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The National Chicken Council announced that the profit margin for wings isn’t high enough to constitute raising a whole bird without selling his breast and other parts. In response, many businesses are offering “boneless wings” made of breast meat while trying to figure out what kind of sauce will make chicken necks taste good.
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Last week a Vanity Fair writer named A.A. Gill riled up the pro-Cincy blogosphere by writing the following line in an introduction to a fairly obvious story about how dumb the Creation Museum is: "It's not in the nature of stoic Cincinnatians to boast, which is fortunate, really, for they have meager pickings to boast about." The statement was poorly received by Cincinnatians, though it was seen as hilarious by some for how big of a dickbag it made the writer sound.
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The Enquirer today reported that 700 WLW-AM will continue broadcasting twice hourly school closing reports despite the fact that most people are more likely to check the weather on an iPhone app than by looking out a window.
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The AP reported today that new evidence suggests that dinosaurs were in fact very colorful creatures, which is another hypothesis shared by researchers and little kids. Scientists expect that after minimal further study they'll be able to officially replace the old dinosaur colors, which were just made up by fifth graders anyway.
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If you've ever seen Jean Schmidt in person, you know that she looks just like she does in pictures and on TV (kind of mean). The Enquirer reported today that after President Obama's state of the union address Schmidt looked like herself but was acting like somebody who actually respected the president.
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It's bad enough to get a text message from your girlfriend when you know she's driving a car, but when your dad hits you with an ROFL while he's on the road driving a big rig, you know several things are wrong (ROFL). That's why the U.S. government today formally banned truckers and bus drivers from texting while behind the wheel.
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The Cincinnati Enquirer isn't like other news sites that lately have focused a lot of coverage on the terrible, unimaginable suffering the residents of Haiti are trying to survive. Instead, a big picture of a piece of pizza greeted its Web site visitors Jan. 19. Mmmmm! Leave it to the liberals in L.A., Miami and New York to harass readers with pictures of dead bodies, crying babies and utter devastation. Here in Cincinnati we've got bigger fish to fry (and pizza to eat).
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We at WWE! realize that in 17 years things will be a lot different — technology will be increasingly difficult to use and people who are 10 right now will be able to kick our asses. Another thing that’s going to suck is that the $1.9 billion Cincinnati Retirement System is going to be broke unless fundamental changes are made soon.