MONDAY JUNE 10: When people get freaked out that everything they do online and via telephone is being recorded by an unconstitutional and invasive governmental presence, the first thing they do is get on amazon.com and order George Orwell’s novel 1984.   

 SATURDAY JUNE 1: A fight during a kindergarten graduation ceremony in Cleveland today made national news. The brawl broke out after refreshments were spilled, which is exactly what the little kids had spent the past year learning you aren’t supposed to do.  

THURSDAY MAY 23: Most people wouldn’t feel that great about taking a job when one of the tasks at hand is to find your own replacement, but that just goes to show you how disconnected average people are from the world of corporate executives (they get $1.6 million signing bonuses, you dumbass!)  

TUESDAY MAY 21: The hits just keep on coming for Abercrombie & Fitch. After recently being called out for discriminatory hiring practices, its Hollister Co. brand has been found guilty of discriminating against shoppers with physical impairments.
  

WEDNESDAY MAY 8: Some people would rather go to jail than have to set foot inside a mall. Thanks to a recently announced event by the Springdale Police Department and several other local agencies, the two experiences will become more alike starting next week.  

WEDNESDAY MAY 1: People love to complain, and one of the old standbys when doing so is feeling tired. In response to everyone always whining about feeling tired or hungover, many food companies have begun producing snacks with caffeine added to them.  

MONDAY APRIL 29: Cincinnati police were kept busy today searching for a large monkey on the loose near Union Terminal. Witnesses on the scene said the primate ran through a tunnel near Dalton Avenue.  

WEDNESDAY APRIL 17: The Vermont House of Representatives last week approved a bill that will reduce the penalty for possessing up to an ounce of marijuana. The bill passed by a 2-to-1 margin, which shouldn’t come as much of surprise in the state that Phish is from.   

MONDAY APRIL 15: Believe it or not, a cruise ship full of people are miserable and pissed off. In the most recent case of this happening, a seven-day Caribbean cruise on a Crown Princess ship turned real un-fun after the toilets stopped flushing.   

WEDNESDAY APRIL 3: Weed, gay marriage, what’s next? Apparently, the next liberal trend to sweep the nation will be bringing your pet along to work with you so you can both be miserable and underpaid together.   

Members of the Kentucky state legislature are pondering the merits of "angel investors," while admitting that rich angels are crucial when it comes to competing with Ohio businesses.  

TUESDAY MARCH 26: Former presidential candidate and regular source of quotes that sound way too dumb to be true Rep. Michele Bachmann today learned that her campaign is under investigation by an independent ethics panel on Capitol Hill.  

WEDNESDAY MARCH 13: WWE! readers might be surprised to learn that those of us whose jobs necessitate following real news are, in general, quite terrified of the future. For every pop culture or sports story we actually care about, there are dozens of stories about things like nuclear weapons, environmental catastrophes and murderers who act nice before they kill people.   

THURSDAY MARCH 7: The American thing to do is buy an even bigger and more expensive TV than the one you already have even though it works just fine. Fountain Square, located in America, will soon follow this cultural imperative.  

THURSDAY FEB. 28:  The Zumba Nightclub Series and rapper/DJ Lil Jon will provide the tunes for a Zumba class to be held at Bogart’s to be held April 13.