Don’t talk about my car. You know how guests on “talk shows” like Maury or Jerry Springer will literally break a chair over someone’s head if they mention the former’s mother? That’s how I feel (internally, thus far) when others try to bring up my ride.  

I write this to the slurred black icky thump of D’Angelo’s “Devil’s Pie” (I know I/was born to die/searching to find/peace of mind),  pausing occasionally in my writing cockpit to look up at the grainy, overdeveloped black and white Polaroid of my parents on the Hamilton porch of my girlhood home. There is no phantasmagorical narrative. Their body language tells a sweet story.    

Justin Bieber today compared himself to Michael Jackson, telling Billboard that his new song “Maria” is his “Billie Jean.” In response to this, we at WWE! have decided to start calling our traditional Monday dinner of diced hot dogs and macaroni “Surf and Turf.”  

A Minnesota high school student was recently forbidden from wearing black and silver rosary beads in support of his breast cancer-stricken grandmother because school officials said the beads could symbolize gang membership. WORLD -1
  

June 12 happens to be my stepdaughter’s birthday, but this year it takes on even greater significance to our family and thousands of other couples in the United States because it marks the 45th anniversary of the Supreme Court decision making it legal in all 50 states for couples of different races to marry and live their lives without fear of harassment from law enforcement.   

Your black-ass president is a fag hag. A fag hag is usually a woman who co-stars and co-signs in the lives of flamboyantly gay men. Fag hags are pesky cheerleaders buzzing about meaninglessly to little affect; they are quick to appear down with gay (and lesbian … dykes have fag hags, too) causes, but it’s all too much, too little, too late.  

A couple of years ago, I went through depressive funk that led me to withdraw from most social settings. I hermited away not only physically, but also cyberly. I’ve always suffered from some level of social anxiety; now, I was experiencing a kind of social-network anxiety that caused me to ultimately break up with my Facebook page.
  

If the 1985 film Pee Wee’s Big Adventure taught us anything, it’s that rich people think they can have whatever they want when someone loves an object enough, he or she will do anything to keep it. That’s kind of what’s going on over at Music Hall these days.   

Historic Everybody’s Records and Gaslight Café in Pleasant Ridge are facing threats of closure because Walgreens wants to purchase the corner of Ridge and Montgomery to demolish the properties and build a new pharmacy, only blocks from an already-existing location. CINCINNATI -2
  

The last time Hope was in my life was early October, 1994. I had just come back from Seattle, Washington where my twin brother had died. We met at a bar in Price Hill. Hope and I got our drinks, went to a table and talked about my brother maybe for a couple minutes. Then we talked about bullshit things that didn’t matter. I remember feeling angry about it later, but Hope was just being Hope. Talking about real life wasn’t something she was interested in.   

You were a shit show this weekend and I straight up don’t appreciate it — in fact, I still get so irritated when I think about this weekend that my butt and calf muscles tense up into tiny little balls. I was too hot, too hungry and too dressed up to deal with whatever you were going through trying to figure out how to cram a thousand events into a single weekend.   

Anyone who has heard about how important bees are to the existence of humanity understands the fundamental frailty of our ecosystem (and maybe likes honey a lot or has really nerdy friends). Such an individual would have been interested in today’s news that the Asian longhorned beetle will soon reemerge in Clermont County and threaten to eat all the trees.
  

Los Angeles last week became the largest city in the U.S. to officially ban use of plastic bags, following the lead of 47 other California municipalities.   

Since a pack of five coyotes was first seen in the Northern Kentucky city in January 2011, residents have reported seeing them a few more times. A police spokesperson strongly urged visitors and residents of Park Hills to remain vigilant and not to loiter in front of any roadside signs promising “Free Bird Seed” until the coyote threat has been neutralized.  

I read an article once that said you should never date (or eventually marry) someone you can’t travel with, and as far as advice goes, that’s in the same ballpark as shacking up before putting a ring on it — another warning I ignored on my trek down the altar.