There are 82.5 million mothers in the United States — and at least a few more living in countries outside of the U.S. Do all of these landmasses celebrate Mother’s Day? Who knows? (Probably Wikipedia.) But they should, because moms do many things: grow us inside of them, raise us, feed us, wipe our butts, yell at us, etc., and they deserve assorted presents and recognition for that, especially the butt part.