Too Drunk To F@$%

…dancing with myself…dancing with myself…oh oh ohh ohhhhh!

Ouch. I’m still drunk. Closed the Tavern last night and after soireed at Metal Mary’s. It hurts. It hurts a lot! But in a good kinda way. Dear Bretton: I think I left my jacket in your room! You know, one o’ those hipster varieties that you guys mock.

(Pausing to make egg sammich. Pepper jack cheese. Portabellas. Mmmmmmm…)

If you missed Tim Fite at Northside Tavern last night, you are retarded. That guy was AMAZING! Like, put on your helmet, drool out o’ the side o’ your mouth amazingly ridic! I rubbed a boob on his stage cohort’s mic and he molested my friend Corrie behind the velvet curtain. Chance o’ pregnancy = high! For her, not my breastesez. That guy makes people want to make out in bathrooms!

…all over the world…every type of girl…

THIS WEEKEND IS GONNA BE AWESOME!

FIRED UP!!!!!!

Tonight we’z gotz the Lions Rampant, Hotpipes and Ladybirds at the Northside Tavern. You will want to be there. Don’t be dumb. Also, check GLUE at G. Slut tonight. I predict that shit is gonna be effin’ amazing! This is what Cincy’s own djdq told me ‘bouts it when I gave him a ring earlier:

“If you scientifically break down Barack Obama’s campaign trail circa March 2008, it would be composed of two frail, white, middle class boys and one second generation nationalized Mexican immigrant…and hand him discarded audio recording equipment… you’ll hear the music tonight at the Gypsy Hut.”

At Molly Malone’s in Covington tonight The Damn Thing is playing the Full Bleed benefit along with karaoke, DJs and various and sundry other masquerade mayhem. $12 cover goes to support the NKU Graphic Design Scholarship Fund. And the We Still Use Film after par-TAY is goin’ down at Grammer’s.

A mimosa sounds really, REALLY good right now! Followed by back tickles…*le sigh*

S-A-T-U-R-D-A-Y night = the Slow Claw CD release at the NST with White Girls and The Sweep. YESSSSSSSSSS! I haven’t seen White Girls in a min cuz I always end up workin’ on nights they play, so I’m kinda stoked to get raucous with ‘em this weekend. Matt the Jungle Cat is highly likely to kick you in the face whilst singin’ and ragin’, and maybe break some bones and furniture in the process. Again, don’t be dumb and get your asses to the front o’ the stage to get some quality battle scars, pussies! Also on Saturday, hit up Red Polly for free cocktails, hors d' oeuvres and music from the neo-Jazz group Iolite whilst browsing through some swell vintage furniture. And if a dancin’ be your mission, DV80’s is goin’ down at the G. Slut. Yupz.

Sidebar: For the love o’ Pete and all his testicles, someone please tell me they’ve entered the Sausage Queen competition for Bockfest!!!!!!

This is just some o’ the criteria:

1. Personality: Good traits will include a love of bock beer, a sense of humor and a taste for meat. The personality round will involve a series of questions posed to the contestants by the judges.

2. Presence: The contestant must look good carrying a sausage and have diva tendencies. The presence round will involve a very short catwalk turn while sporting a string of bockwurst.

DO IT!!!!!! Puhhhhleeeeeeeeeeeze! You would be my personal hero! I will give you a free drink and shot at the tavern if you win. Plus, my eternal worship and awe. Fer realz!

Can we also please take a minute to congratulate my friends Ben and Seb from the Bad Veins for getting signed to Dangerbird Records (paperwork to be finalized soon). Woo hoo! Love those fuckers and proud o’ em!

I feel like I have a “fake baby” in my stomach right now…

I realize this blog would prolly get more hits if I posted it in the a.m., butz guysez, I close the bar on Thursday nights and you’re lucky I’m even out o’ bed already. Thanks for your feedback and BITE ME! (Lower! Lower!). I have a life other than tellin’ the fledgling minions where to get their drink/ROCK on.