On a cool November night, a glorious freedom-leading individual raised a bong to his lips at a USC party and proceeded to inhale the silly smoke into his dolphin like lungs. As he exhaled after listening to "Battery" by Metallica from start to finish, his eyes watered up and he wondered how weird it would be to actually race a shark on his turf, an Olympic sized swimming pool. Michael Phelps, our beloved Beijing hero and winner of Count Von Count's favorite number, eight gold medals, has admitted to taking some hits off "Cannon Bong Splashington" while getting wild at a college party.

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Saturday Ian and I played Nintendo Wii for about 8 hours straight. No joke. I was just warming up my arm for ping pong that night. To get our game faces on we all decided to have a pizza party to fill our tummies to the brim with prime protein and pure ping pong nutrition! Then it was off to the Gypsy Hut to start scouting the talent on the table. I am a regular customer to the Gypsy Hut ping pong table so I have seen most of the faces that occupy the Ping Pong Party Plaza.

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This weekend was the release of the newest installment in the Final Destination series, THE Final Destination and, much like THE Ohio State, it's nothing special.

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Since the job market is still decreasing like my chances of getting paid to write this blog and my funds are depleting faster than anticipated, I am forced to find a way to party without paying.

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I rarely go to the movies anymore. I’m just too poor to spend $10 to see something I can download for free shortly after the release date.

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Since the Holidays have arrived, a sacred ritual is being practiced by the adolescents and young adults in the Tri-State area. The seasonal "Ugly Sweater" party is underway again this year. This unusual gathering didn't really start until the mid to late 90's but has skyrocketed in popularity among the easily amused. During the 1970s and 1980s, grandmas, aunts and mothers around the world decided to knit or sew anything related to the holidays onto a sweater. This could range anywhere from a reindeer in the forest to two cats sitting under a Christmas tree.

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With still no job lined up, I decided to start my own work profile on Myspace. I figure since I don't have a job to buy a Web domain, a free one is just as good. So today I'm going to take the job hunt into my own hands and do the traditional application process. Up front, friendly face-to-face contact.

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This weekend the Cincinnati International Wine Festival is taking place at the Plum Street divider known as the Cincinnati Convention Center. Tickets range from about $55 to like a million dollars. I know some of the proceeds go to charity while the rest goes to cleaning up the puke from the old woman that didn’t know she was supposed to spit out the wine after tasting it (I’ve seen Sideways once), and I’m totally down with giving to charities and doing things to make myself feel better about my privileged life.

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Finally, the fucking happy-time holidays are over. No more seeing weirdos from high school, staying out past my bedtime and drinking 3,000 calories' worth of booze every night. Srsly, I can get back to my boring, old man lifestyle of sleeping in and eating early dinners at Bob Evan's.

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Every time I visit other cities or countries I tend to notice how attractive people are compared to my hometown. If you go to New York City, yeah you are going to see movie stars and models, but the population in general always seems to be more attractive than any of the major cities in the Midwest.

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