Here are some words by CityBeat Music Editor Mike Breen about Willie’s life and legendary status, which he says transcends music. (“Nelson isn't a Country music icon — he's an American music icon.”)

So it’s kind of weird sometimes to think about Willie Nelson being tight with people like Toby Keith — a decidedly uncool guy who writes songs about the U.S. military putting a boot in anyone’s ass who messes with America and opens cheesy Country music-themed restaurants around the country.

But for every terrorist that Keith convinced via threat of violence not to attack America, there are many people who have enjoyed a song that Keith co-wrote about participating in Willie Nelson’s favorite pastime: smoking the weedus.

It turns out that Toby Keith can be self-depreciating and kind of likable (if you can somehow keep the image of this goatee out of your mind while you listen to the song). So here it is, in honor of Willie’s 79th, “I’ll Never Smoke Weed With Willie Again” by Toby Keith and Scott Emerick.

I hope you got some rest last night, because you're not going to want to miss all there is to do this weekend for a little thing called "sleep."

Anyone who the first FAR-I-ROME-produced Turntables 'n' Snares last year knows how crazy amazing it was. Local bands teamed up with live DJs to create exciting, often improvised mash-ups on stage. Tonight at The Mockbee T-N-S returns with eight bands, eight DJs, Bunk News and artists to create one giant night of mixed media entertainment that blurs genres. Go here to get the full lineup.

If you dig on grub from unda da sea but hate pricey, uptight restaurants, hit up the Great Inland Seafood Festival at Newport on the Levee. Get your fill of shrimp, grabs, oysters at an affordable price - like $10.95 for a whole Maine Lobster affordable. OK, now the Little Mermaid reference seems kind of fucked up. This sealicious fest runs daily through Sunday. Get more info here.

Head over to Southgate House Saturday for the release of Shiny and the Spoon's Ferris Wheel. The Cincinnati-based Folk/Pop trio will celebrate their debut album with The Hiders, Rubber Knife Gang and Lisa Walker. Read an interview with the crew here. If you just can't wait to get your ukulele on, go here for a teaser of the album.

Most people know Cincinnati hosts a tennis tournament each summer but few know the Western & Southern Open is one of the oldest in the US still played in its original city. Starting Saturday and running through Aug. 21, fans can get up close and personal with greats like Roger Federer, Maria Sharapova, Rafael Nadal and the Williams sisters. Go here for tournament info and here to read about the history of this great sporting event.

Chicken Lays an Egg's Best of Cincinnati staff pick stamp of approval says it all: Best Quirky Personality For a Vintage Resale Shop. This Northside gem offers everything from vintage men's and women's clothing, to one-of-a-kind housewares, to handmade accessories and much more. Going to a '60s Tiki Luau-themed party? You'll be able to find a full ensemble sure to get you voted best dressed, all for a killer price. It's awesome. And Saturday, the Chickens are producing their first official fashion show at one of the most beautiful venues in Cincy - Memorial Hall in Over-the-Rhine. In addition to some fierce fashions, there will be DJs, showcased artwork, signature cocktails by Molly Wellman, a photo booth and dance party. Oh, and it's free. Yeah, I'll see you there.

This just scratches the surface. Between Northside Pridefest, Second Sunday on Main and the WEBN Album Project Reunion, this is proof that "There's nothing to do in Cincinnati!" is a fallacy. For all this week's concerts, theater shows, events, and gallery exhibits, peep all of our To Do picks.

Going to the zoo isn't just for kids (though there always a million of them there). Whether you are a child, have 'em or hate 'em this weekend is perfect for a trip to the Cincinnati Zoo & Botanical Gardens. Friday-Sunday are Visitor Appreciation Days at the zoo, which means half price admission and parking for everyone! If you need any more reason to visit, there are tons of new exhibits like Night Hunters, African Savannah, Go Green Garden and more. Go here for special prices, hours and directions.

Craftmasters takes over Mainstay Rock Bar Saturday, offering up 10 local bands and 10 $4 craft beers all night long. Get down with Lions Rampant, Frankl Project, Eat Sugar and more as you sip tasty brews like Stone IPA, Weihenstephaner Hefe Weissbier and Two Brothers Dog Days Dortmunder Lager. Music starts at 7 p.m. with bands on two stages. Five bucks gets you in the door. Get the whole lineup here.

Worried no event will satiate your hunger this weekend? For-goetta-bout it! Glier's annual Goettafest is back with enough pork and oats to satisfy even the hungriest of visitors. Enjoy classics like goetta omelets, goetta burgers and goetta dogs or go crazy with goetta sushi, goetta brownies and goetta eggrolls. As always, there will be plenty of live music, games and rides to keep everyone happy (but wait 30 minutes after eating before going on The Scrambler. Goetta's even less pretty coming up.). The festival runs Friday-Sunday at Newport on the Levee. Go here for festival hours and parking information.

Cincy Blues Fest is one of largest volunteer-run Blues festivals in the world. Celebrate the music and the hard work Friday and Saturday at Sawyer Point. Besides checking out local, regional and national Blues acts, Mike Breen has come up with 19 reasons this is a can't-miss event. Go here to read 'em all.

The Cincinnati Art Museum makes so many fantastic works of art accessible to visitors. This Sunday, you can get an even more in-depth look at one artist's life during its Reel Art film series. Filmmaker Ellen Weissbrod's documentary A Woman Like That focuses on the life of Artemisia Gentileschi, a 17th century Italian woman who pursued art during a period when female artists faced much prejudice. Learn about this important Baroque-era artist and meet Weissbrod and co-filmmaker Melissa Powell at a Q&A session following the screening. Go here for ticket information and screening time.

As always, there are many more events, concerts, gallery exhibits and theater shows going on this weekend. Go here to see 'em all. Got a kick-ass event that should be on everyone's To Do list? E-mail arts and event listings to calendar@citybeat.com at least two weeks in advance.

If you're a festie fan, this is your weekend because there are three music festivals going on around the Tristate. Ohmstead Music Festival returns to Hannon's Camp American through Sunday, bringing Reggae/Rock groups The Cliftones, Skeetones, Revenge Pinata and more, joining The Ohms (who created the annual fest 10 years ago). Camp, browse vendors and listen to everything from brand new acts to regional talent. Tickets at the gate are only $30 for the weekend.

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Fans will recognize Odenkirk from Mr. Show, Breaking Bad and countless other TV appearances, where he generally plays a cheap, arrogant skeezball. Let's Do This is no different.

Let's Do This also stars hilarious "I've seen that guy in a million things" comedians like Jerry Minor (Delocated's Mighty Joe Jon, The Black Blonde), Brian Posehn (The Sarah Silverman Program) and Cincinnati-native Andre Hyland (The Jesse Miller Talk Show, Tracy, Dean & Jesus) all star in the video.

Check back with Adultswim.com for Let's Do This updates.

Oktoberfest Zinzinnati is taking over downtown this weekend, bringing around 500,000 guests! Once you've had your fill of schnitzel, Spaten and sauerkraut, stop by the CityBeat booth for the official Oktoberfest guide and register for a VIP MPMF Package and other prizes.

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This year has been an a amazing time to live and work in Over-the-Rhine. Businesses, restaurants and bars are opening every week, Washington Park’s revitalization has been a success and the area is truly becoming a destination for locals and visitors alike. On Friday, OTR will shine — and not just figuratively —with luminaries for the third annual Light Up OTR event. Volunteers will illuminate the streets beginning at 6 p.m., followed by the lighting of the OTR tree at Kaze (new sushi spot opening next week at 1400 Vine St.) at 10 p.m.

Make Covington Pop and Renaissance Covington keep the local love flowing as they present the first annual 7^th Street Makers Market Friday and Saturday. This festival features area artists, bakers, farmers and business owners as they show off their handmade and homegrown goods. Purchase gifts or goodies for yourself and enjoy free gift wrapping at Artisan’s Enterprise Center (AEC). Come hungry on Friday — there will be a food truck happy hour outside AEC. The fun runs 5-8 p.m. Friday, noon-5 p.m. Saturday.

Street style is rapidly gaining attention in the fashion world. No longer is fashion defined as couture on a runway model — everyday folks are showing off their personal style and flair all around cities, especially Cincinnati. Rise of the Cool Kids (#ROCK) is a celebration of individual style, art and music and it all goes down Saturday at the Bertke Electric Warehouse in Northside. Guests will get to be a part of Cincy’s first projected fashion show, filmed in advanced, featuring local designers and fashionistas. It all kicks off at 7 p.m. and is followed by an after-party at FB’s downtown (there will also be a free shuttle going to and from each location.) Get tickets here.

On Saturday, Third Party Gallery presents a third installment of its monthly experimental film program, Staring Eyes. “Yule Logs and Certain Types of Nog” will feature eclectic holiday-themed screenings — no Miracle on 34^th Street here. The event begins at 8 p.m.

Cincinnati Ballet’s The Nutcracker opens Friday; OTRimprov’s The Naughty List continues at Arnold’s Sunday-Tuesday; Find more weekend theater info here.

Check out our calendar for more events, art shows, theater productions and more to do this weekend and beyond.

Construction crews working to restore historic apartments in Louisville’s Whiskey Row discovered an underground sex dungeon two floors underground. The Associated Press reports that the dungeon had mural reproductions of paintings by the likes of Salvador Dali, Edvar Munch and Fancisco Goya and contained what appears to be a medieval stretching rack complete with winch and rusty chain.

The artist who painted the murals tells the AP that he did the work at the request of friends, and the room was meant to attract people who were into sadism and masochism.

The artist says the room was only used for one night in the 1990s, but he couldn’t remember the year.

However, digging deeper into the story, CityBeat learned not to Google “Louisville sex dungeon” on an office computer WHAS-TV spoke with the founders of the club, who said that it was in operation from the mid to late '90s and had close to 1,000 dues-paying members.

In stories with pithy titles like "50 Shades of Louisville" (more like "50 Shades of Y'all Need Jesus) the station spoke with one of the dungeon's founders, who said the dungeon included dozens of other bondage and “torture” implements, including a large rope “spider web” with manacles, in addition to the torture rack. 

Some of the plumbing had “DO NOT HANG” stenciled on it, but the founder said some people were still hung from their ankles.

He was quick to disclaim that there was “never, ever any nudity or sex acts.”

While much of the dungeon has rotted away, Whiskey Row’s owners plan on preserving the paintings and torture rack as a link to history.

Four Entertainment Group (4EG) is the driving force behind nine of the most popular bars and restaurants in the area. While it would be difficult to drink at each location in one night (and possibly damaging to the liver), 4EG is bringing all of their venues to Fountain Square tonight. Try specialty cocktails, beers, wine and signature dishes from aliveOne, Keystone Hyde Park, Keystone Covington, The Lackman, The Stand, Mount Adams Pavilion, The Righteous Room, The Sandbar and Tap & Go as you get down to music from DJ Matt Joy and Bad Veins. Head down to the square from 5-10 p.m. and if you're on Foursquare, be sure to check in — the mayor of these venues will receive a prize.

On second Saturdays, Northside is the place to be. Celebrate the eclectic neighborhood and support local businesses by visiting some of the dozens of participating galleries, shops, restaurants and bars. Visitors will enjoy extended hours, drink and food specials, sales and unique promotions at places like Nvision, Mayday, Take the Cake, C&D, Tantrum, Skincraft and many more. Find a full list of participating businesses here.

Check out Stage Door for this weekend's theater offerings, our music blog for a live show lineup and our To Do page for more events, art shows, performances and more this weekend.

In addition to Cinco de Mayo and Derby Day, the next couple days bring a ton of events and activities. Saddle up, grab some tequila and get out there this weekend!

Essex Studios blossom this weekend for the galleries’ spring Art Walk, BLOOM. The space has been transformed with a thousand origami flowers, yarn gardens by the Cincinnati BombShells and color-coded pathways. As always, more than 100 artists’ work will be on view as guests eat and drink their way through the studios. The art walk runs 6-11 p.m. Friday and Saturday.

Saturday is Clay Alliance’s annual pottery fair at DeSales Corner. Peruse decorative and functional pottery pieces, meet local artists and get supplies to work with clay on your self. Hourly raffles and live music round out the day. The 12th annual fair takes place 11 a.m.-5 p.m., rain or shine.

The first Saturday of May happens to be Cinco De Mayo this year, but it’s also Free Comic Book Day: once a year, comic/specialty book shops across North America offer free publications to all guests. Find a nearby participating store here. Many store offer additional in-store events and promotions; Up Up & Away in Cheviot welcomes The Walking Dead co-creator and original artist Tony Moore.

Crafty Supermarket is back! Making its home at the Clifton Cultural Arts Center, the spring show brings more than 50 indie, subversive crafters from across the city and country to sell their funky, functional handmade goods. Just in time for Mother’s Day, shoppers will find unique apparel and accessories, home goods, artwork and more goodies. Fuel your shopping with delicious food and coffee from local vendors while a PROJECTMILL DJ keeps you groovin’. Show up early to nab a coveted swag bag — every year, shoppers line up around the corner of Clifton Avenue in hopes of being one of the first 100 who get a bag. The market is open 11 a.m.-6 p.m. and admission is free.

Cinco de Mayo is more popular in the U.S. than Mexico, but since when do we let historical inaccuracies stand in the way of a good drinking holiday? Nearly every bar and restaurant participates in some capacity, but we’ve selected a few to host our annual Cantina Crawl. Here’s our schedule:

5 p.m. El Coyote

5:45 p.m. Pirates Cove

6:30 p.m. Tostado’s Grill

7:15 p.m. MLT’s

8 p.m. Cactus Pear (Clifton)

8:30 p.m. Nada

9 p.m. Bakersfield

Join our roving squad of senoritas and “Seen on the Scene” photographers as they travel from place to place with more prizes than you can throw a maraca at.

Prom is a rite of passage many, but often LGBTQ kids don’t feel comfortable at school dances because of bullies and expectations about dress and dates. The Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network (GLSEN) Greater Cincinnati provides a welcoming environment for these individuals at their annual GLSEN Prom Saturday. Come to the Freedom Center for two events in one: those under 21 are invited to "dress as you want, bring who you want, and love as you want.” In a separate area of the center the over 21 crowd, who maybe didn’t get to experience a prom of their own, can enjoy dinner, drinks and dancing for $65. Those wanting to attend post-dinner can come after 9 p.m. for a discounted price. As always, kids are welcome free of charge with early registration. All proceeds support the local GLSEN chapter.

Check out Stage Door for this weekend's theater offerings, our music blog for a live show lineup and our To Do page for more events, art shows, performances and more this weekend.

And don’t forget to check out the "supermoon" Saturday — the biggest full moon of the year will peak around 11:30 p.m. tomorrow.