Ty Pennington’s chubbier, less attractive doppelganger Guy Fieri today brought his traveling show to town, spotlighting regal local eateries like Terry’s Turf Club in Linwood. While Fieri yelled about how “wild” the Turf Club is, his staff scrambled to find other local eateries to spotlight on the upcoming episode all about The Cincinnati.

Molly Ivins, the late syndicated columnist from Texas, got it right when she wrote, “Being slightly paranoid is like being slightly pregnant — it tends to get worse.” For the truth of that statement, look no further than the agenda for an April 17 "Bringin' Back Conservatism: Doin' It Again in 2010" event planned by the Springboro Tea Party just north of Cincinnati.

CityBeat recently obtained a copy of an e-mail written by Brad Beckett — chief of staff to Cincinnati City Councilman Chris Monzel and a right-wing activist involved in anti-tax and anti-abortion causes — outlining the agenda of a secret conservative group called the Vanguard. We were fascinated by the wording the e-mail used about prominent public figures and what it might reveal about the members' outlook for the 2010 elections.

On Feb. 18, I wasn’t standing at a bus stop on Queen City Avenue. I was standing in a driveway that had been cleared of snow. Waving my arms like hell, I was hoping the bus driver would take notice of me. The bus stopped. When I got on, I thanked the driver. “Hey, I don’t expect my passengers to wait at bus stops in conditions like this,” he said. “People wave me down and I stop for them, don’t want anybody to get hurt trying to get on a bus.”

It's difficult to dispute that Ronald Reagan transformed the nation's political and economic thinking. Getting poor people to believe in the trickle-down theory is like getting a sixth grader to say the Pledge of Allegiance without being scared. That's why a North Carolina congressman today suggested that the government redraw the $50 bill with Reagan's head on it.

If you're going to Austin for South By Southwest, have a fantastic time, drink several dozen Shiners for me and enjoy some great music. I'll be doing the same thing here, missing SXSW again, but I'll be largely sober, rested and coherent. And I won’t be having as good a time as you. Damn it. Instead, I'm listening to new releases from Black Rebel Motorcycle Club, Frightened Rabbit, Miles Kurosky, Jimi Hendrix, Ted Leo, Aloha and This Moment in Black History.

In today's cultural, intellectual and financial world, I can't imagine a media job with less potential than science reporter. When your sources become objects of public scorn and ridicule, what's to write? In a nation accustomed to seeking simple answers to complex questions and a culture increasingly driven by belief rather than evidence, scientists today often are trying to communicate with the willfully deaf.

CityBeat readers are being urged to “shop local” this holiday season and support Greater Cincinnati’s economy by supporting locally owned independent businesses. Everyone who pledges to spend at least $100 of their holiday gift purchases to “shop local” will be entered into a drawing for a prize package from participating businesses.

Dear Maija, I’m in a fantasy baseball league with a coworker and a bunch of his weird family members and their friends. Last year my buddy won a football league that most of these same dudes were in and nobody paid him the league fees.