Remember The Greatest Event in Television History, the 15-minute special on Adult Swim in which Jon Hamm and Adam Scott remade the intro to ‘80s detective series Simon & Simon, shot-by-shot? If not, watch the clip here, and stick around after the credits for the original theme song to truly appreciate the attention to detail. Well, as you’ll hear from impeccable host Jeff Probst in the clip below, he lied to us last year. It wasn’t the greatest event in television history. THIS IS: That's right, Adam Scott and Amy Poehler (with help from Horatio Sans) recreated the beginning credits to Hart to Hart, another ‘80s detective drama. Here’s the original: Flawless. If your significant other suddenly begins behaving differently — working late hours, cancelling plans, hanging out with new people you’ve never met, being secretive — there’s a possibility he or she may be cheating on you. You have two options: confront your loved one with honesty and concern and try to repair your relationship or call Cheaters. Now in its 13th season, Cheaters really is one of those bottom-of-the-barrel shows.First of all, Spoiler Alert: Yes, they’re cheating on you. No one’s paying a camera crew to document some anticlimactic shit. Secondly, people (myself included) actually watch these public, messy splits as entertainment! Who would sign up for this? For those classier than I who’ve never seen the show, here’s the gist: Cheaters sends a surveillance crew to investigate a suspicious complaintant’s partner. After a few days of “detective work,” the show’s host brings the evidence to the complaintant and offers them the chance to confront the cheater (generally in a very public and/or embarrassing situation). Of course, they do. Madness ensues. Cheaters’ longtime host Joey Greco rose to iconic status when, during the confrontation of a woman’s cheating boyfriend, he was stabbed in the gut by the fleeing boyfriend. Later evidence suggests the stabbing might have been staged, but Greco will forever go down in reality TV infamy as the man who would take a knife to reunite a woman with the man who cheated on her…or something. Sadly, Greco stepped down as host in 2012, a fact I was not aware of until this weekend when I caught the show during some late-night channel surfing. It turns out Grecs has been replaced by a younger host with a certain L.A. coke junkie dead-eyed je ne sais quoi. Something about him screams, "I've got roofies in my pocket, and I'm not afraid to use them."After a few scenes, it was reveled this fresh meat’s name was none other than Clark Gable. At first I figured this dude was taking notes from porn star James Deen or countless other celebrity hopefuls who simply borrow a Hollywood icon’s name. But no. Gone With The Wind’s Clark Gable had a grandson and that guy is hosting Cheaters. (Thankfully, the show’s wordsmith of a narrator lives on.) According to Gable III’s Cheaters bio, he is a model/actor who also enjoys surfing, racing dirt bikes and volunteering with charities. According to IMDB, his only completed acting credit is a 2001 movie, Ordinary Madness, in which he played "Skateboard Kid.” For some reason, the bio neglects to mention that, like his Cheaters predecessor, Gable also has experience with knife fights — Gable was stabbed at an L.A. house party in 2008. Ever had a totally insufferable coworker, a person whose mere presence awakens your most inner demons? Imagine having to make cheery smalltalk with the bitch on television.  Since apparently we Americans couldn’t quite get it right, BBC is making a new Elizabeth Taylor film, Burton and Taylor, starring Helena Bonham Carter as Liz and Dominic West and Richard Burton. But you won't find Lifetime, the network behind that Lohan monstrosity, playing the whole “coulda, shoulda, woulda” game, because they’re on to the next one: Anna Nicole Smith, to be precise. Lifetime actually was smart about this one — by making a movie about a star like Anna Nicole, you don’t need to worry about casting a star that can actually act. Though she does have the sedated baby voice down to a T. And who knew people popped pills in their cocktails like Alka-Seltzers? I’m just happy/terrified the clown face makes an appearance. TrimSpa, baby! Hey, want to see Daft Punk without their helmets? HBO’s Girls will likely have a long shelf-life, but 38 seasons? Writer/Producer/Director Gail Lerner looks into the future of Lena Dunham's painfully hip lost girls with this hilarious parody. Via Nylon: Now it’s time for: Hold Up, Y’all, Cincinnati’s On the TV! Food Network’s Restaurant: Impossible will be filming at Aponte’s Pizzeria  in Mason this Wednesday-Thursday. On the series, the beefy Brit Chef Robert Irvine offers business advice, new recipes and $10,000 in renovations to struggling restaurants. Aponte’s 2.0 will re-launch to a fully-booked house Thursday evening. And, while not on television, A Tavola’s tricked-out pizza oven was named one of America’s “coolest” by Food and Wine magazine. See a full slideshow here.

The remaking and re-imagining of classic films and TV shows is often met with high expectations and harsh reviews. Despite this, I was really looking forward to A&E’s new horror-drama, Bates Motel. Something of a warped prequel to Psycho, the thriller places a young Norman Bates and his mother Norma in charge of a previously foreclosed motel in a contemporary setting. With the swoon-worthy Vera Farmiga (big sis to American Horror Story’s Violet, Taissa Farmiga) starring as the mother to the future sociopath (who is portrayed by creepy-yet-cute Freddie Highmore), I really thought it was going to be awesome. It wasn’t. Check out my full reaction in this week’s TV column. I know I should have lowered my expectations — prequels generally suck — but I was really pulling for this one. Sadly, I’ve felt more suspense in an episode of A&E’s Intervention that in this show where multiple people were murdered in the premiere. Dammit, Bates Motel, I was rooting for you! Popular restaurant recommendation site Urbanspoon recently listed the most buzzed about bar-n-grills across America and Cincinnati topped the list with seven restaurant-bar mentions — matched only by Chicago, New Orleans and St. Louis. The restaurants include A Tavola, Adriatico's Pizza, Bakersfield OTR, Nada, Senate, Taste of Belgium Bistro and Terry’s Turf Club. With Covington’s Wunderbar bringing the local count up to eight, it looks like Greater Cincinnati is the place to go for beers and bites! Usually when my mom shares with me something she found on the Internet, it’s either a pug photo shoot on YouTube or an MSN slideshow of inappropriate advertisements, but recently she sent me something even better. Check out this informational North Korean documentary footage of American life: Ah, America: Where there aren’t any birds, except for the ones we all ate yesterday. Just a reminder, next time you order your snow coffee, make sure to ask if it’s local. Thanks for the cake, North Korea! So the Catholics got a new pope last week. Remember: There’s always money in the Vatican! Usually when I hear “Satan” and “Obama” in the sentence, I quickly tune out whichever Fox News zombie or disgruntled family member is ranting, but this week the two were compared for a new reason. The History Channel’s incredibly factual miniseries The Bible obviously features the devil, an important supporting character from the original masterpiece, but some people are upset about the resemblance to our president. Check it out for yourself here. The Princess Bride is a classic, but what if little Fred Savage’s grandpa gave him another book instead? If the kid hated all that kissing in PB, I can only imagine what he’d think of GOT’s uh, adult scenes.Hey remember my American Horror Story Season Three guesses? AHS: Coven = confirmed. Witches! Squee!

The Over-the-Rhine Chamber of Commerce today announced the winners of its annual Star Awards, which recognize organizations and individuals whose outstanding accomplishments contribute to the revitalization of its five distinct neighborhoods: Washington Park, Mohawk, Central, Pendleton and Findlay Market. This year’s award winners: Chairman’s Award: Cincinnati Center City Development Corporation (3cdc.org) Norma Petersen Award: Topic Design (www.topicdesign.com) New Business of the Year: A Tavola (1220 Vine St.; here’s a link to a recent CityBeat review of the modern and stylish pizza place.) Business of the Year: dojo gelato (Findlay Market, dojogelato.com) Non Profit Organization of the Year: Crossroad Health Center (crossroadhc.org) Individual Contribution: Leslie Cook, First Lutheran/OTR Learning Center (www.firstlutherancincy.org/learning_center.html) Special Recognition: Captain Douglas Wiesman, Cincinnati Police Recipients will be honored at the OTR Chamber’s annual meeting and luncheon March 20 at Music Hall.