A Parisian bridge covered in padlocks was featured on two reality shows in the last week or so — Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and Kourtney and Kim Take Miami (1. Don’t judge me. 2. Isn’t it weird that both shows ventured outside their titular cities to the same destination?). Kyle and Mauricio (RHOBH) and Kourtney and Scott (KKTM) visited the Pont des Arts in their respective (but not respected!) shows to take part in what appeared to be a romantic tradition of signing a lock, attaching it to the bridge’s chain-link structure and tossing the key into the Seine below. Ah, c’est l’amour! I had never heard of this tradition, but I've never been to Paris, so what does my uncultured ass know? Apparently this is just another annoying tourist attraction trampling over French culture. What started as a private, inconspicuous act of love done at night has become nothing more than a photo op that is starting to endanger Parisian architecture.                                                                                              Américains stupides! Good news: a Machete sequel is coming this summer! Bad news: my arch nemesis Sofia Vergara is in it and it looks like she took Katy Perry’s discarded firework-shootin’ boobs and souped ‘em up.This has not been a good year for Saturday Night Live. Kristen Wiig, arguably the show’s strongest player, stepped down after last season along with the awesome Andy Samberg. The non-topical skits have been just off ever since and even hyped-up hosts like Jennifer Lawrence and Christoph Waltz fell flat. But this 38th season just may have been saved by Justin Timberlake’s recent episode.From the throwback skits (JT’s now-famous food mascot and the “Dick in a Box” bit with Samberg) to his performances (Jay-Z made an appearance during “Suit and Tie!”), the entire episode was wholly entertaining. I’m going to stop blaming the writers now and assume Justin agreed to host for the fifth time in exchange for every good skit idea for an entire season, plus at least five cameos. The monologue featured a skit about the Five-Timers Club — an exclusive group of guests that have hosted at least five times. Paul Simon, Steve Martin, Dan Aykroyd (he’s only a bartender because he actually has only hosted once), Martin Short (just a waiter; only hosted three times), Alec Baldwin, Candice Bergen, Tom Hanks and Chevy Chase all swung by. Did you want a ‘Wild and Crazy Guys’ reprise? Done. How about a Three Amigos reunion? Got it. Go here to watch the full episode. Need an extra kick with your morning coffee?                                                     Meth: It's what's for breakfast! (via Rebel Donut)Albuquerque, N.M.’s Rebel Donut offers a special “Blue Sky” Breaking Bad donut sprinkled with the signature blue rock made famous on the AMC hit. OK, it’s not really meth, but blue rock candy, like they use on the series. Breaking Bad (which is set in Albuquerque) returns for its last season this summer. Go here for a behind-the-scenes look at the final eight episodes. Sarah Silverman, Michael Cera, Tim Heidecker, Eric Wareheim and Reggie Watts created a new YouTube comedy channel, JASH. What is JASH, you ask? Also this week: Former ‘Girl Next Door’ and Hugh Hefner humper Holly Madison made a baby and named her Rainbow. Russell Crowe saw a UFO.

Election season is over! Regardless of how you voted, I think we can all celebrate the fact that our portals to pop culture — television, radio, social media and the rest of the Internet — will no longer be clogged with annoying political rants, campaign advertisements and baseless polls, making more room for puppy cams, nail art blogs, unflattering celebrity photos and other important things the American people deserve. But, since we’re talking politics, this week we witnessed what can only be described as the best Rom-com of 2012. Here’s a sampling of the finest presidential gifs:And, for old time's sake:As people in Colorado and Washington are legalizing recreational weed, the cannabis king himself, now known as Snoop Lion, is working on his first Reggae album. While the release date for Reincarnated is yet to be announced, Snoop debuted his video first single under his new moniker, titled “La La La.” While it’s no “Oh Sookie,” this colorful Jamaican adventure looks straight out of Pee Wee’s Playhouse and was directed by Eli Roth (Hostel, Grindhouse). Here’s a really freaky map plotting out the expansion of Walmart locations over the past 40 years. Remakes and sequels have become a staple in Hollywood at this point. It’s irritating, but can you blame ‘em? You’ve got your foundation already set, there’s a built-in audience and, presumably, it requires a lot less effort than a completely original work. Generally, I detest the modernization of classics (or even silly childhood gems), but my heart skipped a beat when I read Disney is in the early stages of a Boy Meets World sequel.The ‘90s T.G.I.F. staple followed Cory Matthews (Ben Savage) as he grew from an adorable sixth grader to the best college-aged husband ever (oops, Spoiler Alert). From 1993-2000 audiences got to know and love Cory, his family, BFF Sean, GF Topanga and neighbor/principal Mr. Feeny. Girl Meets World, Disney’s proposed sequel, is to follow Cory and Topanga’s tween daughter as she comes of age herself *wipes tears*. Casting Savage and Danielle Fishel (who played Cory’s main squeeze/’90s lioness) is crucial to this being acceptable in my book. Savage’s work has been sparse in the past 10 years — a couple indie flicks and a few single TV show episodes — and if Fishel can take a break from her “I almost lost my virginity to Lance Bass” tour, I’m thinking they can make this work. In actually-confirmed-television-projects news, MythBusters is working on an episode devoted to Breaking Bad. While Jamie Hyneman and Adam Savage won’t be cooking any of the blue stuff, they will be trying two experiments from the series’ first season. One involves the stomach-churning scene where Jesse uses hydrofluoric acid to dispose of some evidence. Since BB has offered countless other scenes begging to be myth-busted, there is talk of additional episodes dedicated to Walter White & Co. The episode, airing in Spring 2013, will feature Aaron Paul (Jesse Pinkman) and creator Vince Gilligan. Breaking Bad is one of those shows that, if you are or ever even plan to get into, you really don’t want anything to be spoiled. But in this age of the Internet, where millions of people think an unsolicited “woah can’t believe [character] just died on [series]” is a necessary and interesting message to share with the world, spoilers lurk around every corner. College Humor created a helpful guide to dancing around spoilers. TV people, take note.

It’s a good time to be a Louie C.K. fan. And probably a good time to be Louie C.K., since in the last year the comedian has nabbed two Emmys, wrapped a successful third season of his FX series and pretty much single-handedly changed the way performers distribute media. Where most performers might ride this wave until it crashes, taking on additional projects and endorsements, C.K. is taking the opportunity to lay low for a bit. The comedian is taking an extended break from the spotlight, putting his show Louie on hiatus until 2014. Yes, it sucks to wait more than a year for a great series, but even his most devoted fans must wipe their tears and acknowledge this smart move. Instead of ordering extra episodes, cranking out more material until he gets so burnt out he pulls a Chappelle, C.K. will be able to take the time to continue producing (directing, writing and starring in) more hilariously dark shows. Speaking of good shows we have to wait so very long for, here’s a fun Breaking Bad dance jam to get you through ‘til next summer. No spoilers, but I’ll warn you, it’s mighty addictive (heh). Everyone with an Instagram account and Starbucks latte believes they are a photographer, but most of us leave the real snapping to the pros, knowing better than to fake such a talent. Right? When two real photogs discovered an alarming number of crappy pictures taken by supposed “professionals,” they decided to call these fools out with one message: You Are Not A Photographer. The highly anticipated film Skyfall hits theaters next month, but Bond fans are already geeking out over the new theme song by Adele: This is the singer’s first release since her award-winning 2011 album, 21. She’s due to give birth to her first child any day now. Remember Dane Cook? He was that comedian that was pretty funny for about 15 minutes in 2005 but quickly joined the likes of Nickelback and Ed Hardy enthusiasts in the Douchebag Hall of Fame. Well, Dane Cook’s still around and he still sucks. Cook was set to star in a new NBC sitcom, Next Caller. Cook played host of a sex and dating-type radio show, “Booty Call,” oddly paired with a new, bubbly female co-host. I know what you’re thinking. When does this television gold hit the airwaves?! Unfortunately, NBC found the final product so dismal, they scrapped the entire series after filming four of six episodes. So, for the record, NBC felt throwing money in the toilet was a better plan than giving Cook screen time. I’ll admit, I gave Cook props for appearing on a second season episode of Louie in which he faced the accusations that he steals jokes (from C.K., in fact). But watch the Next Caller post-mortem trailer and you’ll agree this cancellation was for the best. Now, to wash away that gritty pockmarked face from your memory, enjoy this story about Ed, the peg-leg pug!Ed is one of Australia’s first rescue dogs to receive a prosthetic limb. Let this be a reminder to spay and neuter your cats and dogs and support rescue pets over breeders.It was recently announced that two of my all-time favorite humans will host next year’s Golden Globes. Tina Fey and Amy Poehler will take over for Ricky Gervais, who hosted the tribute to film and television for the past three years. I could go on at length about my love for this duo, carefully citing my favorite works (everything they've ever done), but I’ll leave my official endorsement to this: Bitches get stuff done. As far as politics go, I'm pretty sure all we need to know is there was a debate Monday night and Mitt Romney has binders just chock full of women. Yes, November is going to be quite an interesting month. Who’s to say what the outcome will be? So many insane characters — how can we keep them all straight? Oh, I’m not talking about the election. I’m referring to the MFing return of R. Kelly’s Trapped in the Closet Hip Hopera. Trapped capped off with 22 chapters released between 2005-2007. The maestro has composed an additional 20 chapters to be released on IFC on Black Friday, Nov. 23 — a perfect way to spend your holiday eating leftovers. Here’s a peek at the latest, Chapter 23. Take it from R. Kelly, “These next chapters of Trapped in the Closet is gonna be so craaaazy."

The 64th Annual Primetime Emmy Awards took place Sunday night. Each year I get excited for this one awards show dedicated to television, and every year I forget how boring and predictable it usually is. First off, there is no booze served at the Emmys (unlike the drink-friendly Golden Globes which honor TV and film), and that just puts a damper on everything. Pre-show red carpet interviews have to be one of the most uncomfortable interactions ever (I swear one E! douche bag actually said, “I don’t really care, ‘cause we’re dudes, but it’s my thing tonight — Who are you wearing?” Gag.) — stars need some hooch to make it all OK. Then there are the clear academy favorites that are continually nominated year after year for no apparent reason — Can’t we all agree Big Bang Theory lacks any real humor or geek cred? But I suffer through the Emmys just in case there’s a redeeming wardrobe malfunction or surprise winner.                                      Raise your hand if you're tired of faux nerdery! Jimmy Kimmel made an entertaining host, playfully poking fun at various celebs and, in a particularly funny bit, showed an “In Memoriam” video of himself, stating that we shouldn’t wait until stars are dead to remember their work. The big winners of the night were Showtime’s drama series Homeland, the HBO movie Game Change and ABC’s Modern Family (one of those perpetual comedy winners). Fashion trends for the night (and fall in general) included bold solids and metallics, but I always find it interesting just a few stars sport very similar, striking looks. This year it was apparently good luck to mimic the award statue — all dressed in yellow, Julianne Moore (Game Change), Julie Bowen (Modern Family) and a pregnant Claire Danes (Homeland) each walked away with a golden lady for their respective leading performances. The good: Tracy Morgan faked a medical issue to generate buzz, Amy Poehler and Julia Louie-Dreyfus “accidentally” swapped acceptance speeches and Jon Stewart kept censors on their toes during his acceptance speech on behalf of The Daily Show (which makes 10 wins in a row for the show). I was happy to see Jessica Lange honored as best supporting actress in a miniseries/movie — and, really, how smart of them to re-define American Horror Story each season, categorizing it as a miniseries. The always-hilarious Louis C.K. was "vindicated" with two Emmys for his writing on Louie and his stand-up special, Louis C.K.: Live at the Beacon Theater. And while the drama category was filled with some of my favorite shows, a very deserving Homeland pretty much swept the category. Aaron Paul was awarded for his role as Jesse Pinkman on Breaking Bad, to which I say, “Yeah, bitch!” While Paul may have been confused during fashion week, he must have picked up some style tips on the catwalk, because his chocolate suit was sick, and only enhanced by his fiance’s coordinating gown.           All together now: Aww!Season 4 of Breaking Bad was outstanding, and I’m a Jesse fan but… The bad: Giancarlo Esposito should have won for his performance in Breaking Bad. I will never not be terrified of him after seeing him as the disturbing Gus Fring. I would have liked to see Kristen Wiig win for her last season on SNL. And Jon Cryer? I love ya, Duckie, but Two and a Half Men does not belong in the awards arena.            "Wait, me? Are you guys sure?"So, it was mostly a snoozefest, but at least we had the opening skit featuring all the leading ladies and, namely, a “nude” Lena Dunham eating cake in a bathroom stall. In non-Emmy news, Clint Eastwood’s infamous empty chair assault during the Republican National Convention is old news by now, but that’s not going to stop the folks at Extra from babbling on about it. During an interview about his film Trouble With the Curve, Eastwood had this to say: "If someone's dumb enough to ask me to go to a political convention and say something, they're going to have to take what they get." Serious question: Is Amanda Bynes the new Britney? With Ms. Spears cleaning off her Cheeto dust to fulfill her duties as “Britney, bitch” on The X Factor, another downward-spiraling starlet must accept the role as train wreck supreme. Sure, Lindsay Lohan is the obvious candidate, but if you’ve been following the “retired” actress of Nickelodeon fame, you know Bynes is barreling to the front of the race. Seemingly out of nowhere, Bynes has recently had her car impounded after facing charges for a DUI, driving without a license (twice) and two hit-and-runs.I will go as far as calling my dad in from the 'burbs to chauffeur my ass around (or, in dire situations, dealing with the living hell that is Ron’s Cab) to avoid traffic stops and drunk driving. Can’t these child stars payroll a driver to be available at their every whim, or call a damn taxi? Also, people are saying she's crazier than one of those silly characters she played when she was 12.              AMANDA PLEASE Apple sold more than 5 million iPhone 5s over the weekend, completely running out of stock. Those who didn’t camp outside Apple stores or take advantage of pre-sale offers will have to wait until October for the newest iPhone, but I borrowed my boyfriend’s I tested one out all professional-like over the weekend. Here’s the rundown. “Fastest, thinnest, lightest iPhone ever?” Yes. It's so light, it feels like a toy phone that should have chiclets inside or something.                  iPhone 5 prototypeThe phone itself is more compact, but the screen surface is actually larger. It’s equipped with 4G LTE and features a new smaller, reversible charger. Siri remains pretty inessential to those of us with the ability to look out windows, although I’ve found it moderately entertaining to ask it existential questions and see how well it can decipher fake accents. And the cool, easy-to-use panoramic camera feature is sure to set the Instagram world on fire.