At the risk of inducing widespread PTSD flashbacks, I invite everyone to recall 2011’s Internet Public Enemy No. 1, Rebecca Black. The teen, who is probably a decent human undeserving of worldwide hatred, assaulted eardrums on a massive scale with her music video gone viral, “Friday.” The worst realization to come out of Friday-gate wasn’t the sorry state of the music industry or even the online bullying Black faced, but the fact that, apparently, rich people will throw a few thousand dollars at a greedy producer to create a shitty song and music video for their marginally talented child. Record producer and songwriter Patrice Wilson was one of the driving forces behind “Friday” and if you wanted to give his work another chance, you’re in luck. He worked with Nicole Westbrook to record a song not about one day of the week (that’s so 2011), but one day of the year. Ladies and gentlemen, it’s Thanksgiving. Kraft Mac-n-Cheese – AY! Stove Top stuffing – AY! We one-percenters should have better food than this. While we’re on the topic of social phenomena ripe for mockery, it’s fitting to recognize Food Network’s Guy Fieri (Real Name: Guy Ferry. Yeah, douchebag status: confirmed) who recently opened a new restaurant in New York City. It seems most people either love or hate Guy. He co-owns five California restaurants and hosts the popular Diners, Drive-ins and Dives, on which he travels the country highlighting off-the-beaten-path chow-down spots — so, clearly he’s got some fans out there. Others are a bit turned off by his labored “Rock-N-Roll” façade, his annoying catchphrases and his penchant for bowling shirts. I can’t trust a man who purposefully styles his hair like a goofy visor hat from Cappel’s, and apparently New York Times’ Pete Wells isn’t a fan either. In his Nov. 13 take-down piece on the new Guy’s American Kitchen & Bar in Times Square, Wells completely ripped the joint apart limb from tribal tattooed limb. While any attempt to seriously review what sounds like a black hole for overweight tourists would probably prove futile, I feel Wells could have been a bit more creative in his blasting of Fieri. Guy’s an easy target, so why go with the cliched “Dear Guy,” letter format, punctuated by a series of overly sarcastic questions? At this point I’m waiting for a cynical review of Wells’ review (please tweet any findings to @jackern), but I have to hand it to the reviewer for this service assessment that made me choke on my morning coffee: “The well-meaning staff seems to realize that this is not a real restaurant.” Find the full story here. Fans got a first look at Brad Pitt zombie action flick World War Z last week. The film, based on Max Brooks’ 2006 novel of the same name, may stray farther from the text than fans have hoped, judging by the trailer. (Though it’s important to note how deceiving these first looks can be). The book reflects on a worldwide war on zombies after the fact, using interviews with survivors to paint the terrifying picture, whereas the film appears to be a straight-up zombie movie. However it turns out, zombie purists beware: These may be the quickest and most agile undead yet. After last week’s election, gay marriage is now legal nine states. It’s a great feat for equality, but we’ve got a long way to go. In fact, gays across America have given straight, conservative men an ultimatum: Vote to legalize same-sex marriage, or they will marry the crap out of your girlfriends. Portlandia, the hilarious sketch comedy spoofing counter-culture trends, returns to IFC Jan. 4. The show stars SNL’s Fred Armisen and Sleater-Kinney/Wild Flag guitarist-singer Carrie Brownstein — quite possibly my favorite non-romantic duo — in a series of timely skits about the hipster sect of popular culture. All the good little boys and girls of Oregon and beyond can get an early sampling of the two with the “Winter in Portlandia” holiday special on Dec. 14. Fans will see Peter and Nance go low-carb to stave off winter blubber and meet Candace’s son as he swings by Women and Women First during his holiday visit. Here’s the first skit from the upcoming third season:

Are you sick of silly, humorous material taking over the internet? So is Fred Armisen. That’s why he’s created Be Serious for 30 Seconds. It’s a project, not a contest, to generate user-created videos. The videos must contain no comedy, they must be 30 seconds or shorter, feature a five-second dramatic pause and no more than two people, contain a cutaway of an object and end with a door slam. This really is serious, so no laughing, ironic humor or purposefully poor acting. Fred explains with an example below (with Portlandia co-star Carrie Brownstein). Get it, it’s not supposed to be funny, so it is! Go here to watch some of the best submissions.  I sometimes find myself wondering what I’d do if anything should ever happen to my beloved pets (though I’m banking on immortalizing veterinary breakthroughs/all of us dying at the same moment during the apocalypse). This guy decided to taxidermy his cat, which might be weird for some people, but I find kind of cool. But we’re not talking standard window sill-sitting pose, here. He turned his cat into a remote control kitty-copter. Watch him fly! I genuinely apologize for adding to the audio assault that is Carly Rae Jepsen’s ubiquitous hit “Call Me, Maybe,” but this version really is the (taxidermied) cat’s pajamas. If anyone needed further proof that The Roots can make anything cool, that’s it. Does bongo guy remind anyone else of this?The SCP Foundation is my nerd obsession du jour. It’s one of those sites that is hard to describe, and really requires users to just jump in. But basically, it’s a database of fictional classified information. Think Wikipedia of the X-Files. Pick a series, browse top rated pages, or whatever you like, and you’ll find files on strange objects found and contained in a (again, fictional) headquarters. These objects range from oddly funny to legitimately terrifying. It’s going to be a very Leo Christmas for moviegoers this year, as Mr. DiCaprio stars in two highly-anticipated films, Baz Luhrmann’s The Great Gatsby and Quentin Tarantino’s Django Unchained, both out this December. With these respective directors, you’ll either love ‘em or hate ‘em. I, for one, can’t stop watching these trailers on repeat.