I swear there are days when it would be best to turn off the television, stay away from computers, the Internet and smartphones, maybe just remain in bed with the covers firmly clasped over my head to silence the ignorant noise spewing out of the mouths (and from the furiously tweeting thumbs) of politicians, commentators and lobbyists.    

As it became obvious to everyone else that Abernathy was going to score, the ESPN play-by-play announcer excitedly spit out every single word of his name: “Ralph... David... Abernathy... the... fourth...”