If I had to pick fictional television characters to represent 2000s-era humans for a future generation, 30 Rock’s Liz Lemon would be my No. 1. Tina Fey’s character, while over the top, really represents the average snack food-loving workaholic.   

One Friday afternoon, I got a call from the head of security and met with him in his office. He told me someone was vomiting in the ladies restroom, located near the accounting office, every afternoon. The person doing the vomiting wasn’t cleaning up her mess very well and he had it narrowed down to one of two women who worked in my department. He asked me if I had any suspicions as to which one it was...