In what’s the largest solar project in downtown Cincinnati to date, 429 solar energy collection panels have been installed on the roof of the Duke Energy Convention Center. The 101 kilowatt installation is expected to receive 1,000 hours of sunlight annually and reduce the center’s greenhouse gas emissions by 57.9 metric tons each year.  

Two Romanian men were arrested today on charges of reprogramming Dunkin’ Donuts gift cards to dispense cash at ATMs. Both suspects were in the country on journalism visas and used the hacked cards to swipe $17,703 from a Chase Bank in Queens, N.Y. The suspects’ haul from the job earned them a slew of charges and two spots on the “100 Top Paid Journalists in America 2011” list.  

Megan Ketover, the pastry chef at downtown’s Hilton Cincinnati Netherland Plaza hotel, has been selected to compete against 14 other pastry chefs on the new season of Top Chef: Just Desserts. The reality TV show, which appears on the Bravo cable network, premieres Aug. 24.  

Barack Obama and John Boehner walk into a bar. The bartender says, “We don’t serve your kind in here … just kidding — what do you assholes want?” This stupid joke is a lot funnier than what actually happened when Obama and Boehner walked into a meeting room in an attempt to avoid a government default, only to walk back out and blame each other for walking away.  

Steve Chabot banned cameras from a town hall meeting in Green Township for “security purposes.” Chabot then advised residents to fight a new plan to add public housing units to the neighborhood, though his speech was reportedly cut short when he saw a guy playing “Angry Birds” on a cell phone and thought he was recording a video and laughing.  

Seth Putnam, frontman and founder of easy-listening faves Anal Cunt, died of a heart attack June 11. Oh, wait — Anal Cunt was actually a controversial Grindcore band named after a GG Allin tune, responsible for seconds-long songs like “Your Kid Committed Suicide Because You Suck” and “Van Full of Retards.”  

We were happy today to have one more reason not to go to Amelia: We prefer to avoid places that don’t have police forces. Village leaders have already asked the county sheriff if he will help out if any teenagers figure out that the high school’s football helmets look like anarchy signs and start freaking out.  

It’s rare that scientists are able to figure out exactly when an invasive species was introduced to an area — there is generally more than one person at a time who thinks it’s funny to see what a weird animal from Australia will do if you let it loose in your own neighborhood (probably get killed by cats, maybe eat a bird). The Enquirer today reported that one such not-so-local species — the European wall lizard — followed a different path to Cincinnati.  

First Ohio’s clueless governor rejected $385 million in federal aid to create a passenger rail line between Cincinnati, Columbus and Cleveland — a project that would’ve created 16,000 jobs. Now Kasich has caused the stoppage (temporary, we hope) on casino construction here and in Cleveland.  

If Ohio’s execrable new governor thought he was going to stop Cincinnati’s long-planned streetcar project by blocking $51.8 million in state funding for the project, he’d better think again. Led by Mayor Mark Mallory and City Manager Milton Dohoney Jr., city officials last week unveiled a new, shorter Phase One for the proposed system. The revised project now will be comprised of a four-mile initial segment from downtown’s Fountain Square to Findlay Market in Over-the-Rhine, at a cost of $95 million.