TUESDAY MARCH 26: Former presidential candidate and regular
source of quotes that sound way too dumb to be true Rep. Michele
Bachmann today learned that her campaign is under investigation by an
independent ethics panel on Capitol Hill.
WEDNESDAY MARCH 13:
WWE! readers might be surprised to learn
that those of us whose jobs necessitate following real news are, in
general, quite terrified of the future. For every pop culture or sports
story we actually care about, there are dozens of stories about things
like nuclear weapons, environmental catastrophes and murderers who act
nice before they kill people.
THURSDAY MARCH 7: The American thing to do is buy an even
bigger and more expensive TV than the one you already have even though
it works just fine. Fountain Square, located in America, will soon
follow this cultural imperative.
SUNDAY FEB. 17: Today marks the 50th birthday of
basketball star and cultural icon, His Airness, Michael Jordan. As one
of the most exciting and dominant athletes ever, Jordan won titles at
the collegiate and pro levels, was an All Star like 29 times and notably
saved the human race from alien criminals in Space Jam.
TUESDAY FEB. 5: The Boy Scouts of America has decided to
realize that a gay guy can play the role of gruff scout leader who
probably drinks too much and yells at his kid too often just as well a
WEDNESDAY JAN. 23:
State Board of Education President Debe
Terhar has made some folks not so happy. She shared a link on Facebook
from some pitiful source who posts things like photos of our president
with the caption “Where’s Lee Harvey Oswalt when you need him?” (their
misspelling, not ours).
WEDNESDAY DEC. 26: The Community Recorder today
profiled a Florence, Ky., man named Tim Atkins for being an awesome
neighbor. People call him “The Mayor of Lloyd Avenue” or “Tim the Tool
Man” because of his willingness to help and let people use his tools.
We at CityBeat have come to terms
with the fact that expectations of just about any kind usually end up
blighted. In honor of arming you for a story that, in all likelihood,
won’t be nearly as glitzy as you may envision, we’ve gathered anecdotes
from CityBeat staffers that make for a collection of
nontraditional holiday testimonials that are sometimes lame, sometimes
nerdy and, in general, pretty anticlimactic.
FRIDAY DEC. 14: The Enquirer recently published a
six-part series on Barbara Joly, better known as the “Granny Robber.”
Joly is currently doing prison time for robbing banks back in 2008 to
support her adult son.