'Twas the week before Christmas, and on the small screen, TV options appeared few and far between; The DVR’s ready to record some new shows, And provide a distraction from winter woes.  

Pack your bags for a holiday retreat to the place where the dream of the 1990s and 1890s is alive. Portlandia might not return for Season Three until next month, but IFC has left a little gift in every hipster’s stocking with the holiday special, Winter in Portlandia.  

Movember may be over, but the gentlemen of Whisker Wars (10 p.m. Fridays, IFC) won’t be shaving their bodacious beards and sensational ’staches any time soon. The beardos are back and, for a second season, this oddly entertaining docu-series gives viewers a glimpse at the world of competitive facial hair.  

Fresh off the premiere of Lifetime’s unintentionally hilarious monstrosity, Liz and Dick, comes a new chapter of a love story that defines a generation. This week, Liz Lemon and Criss Chross will be joined in holy hotdog matrimony on 30 Rock (8 p.m. Thursday, NBC).   

R. Kelly weaved a literary web of love, secrets and betrayal when he released the 22-chaptered Trapped in the Closet videos from 2005-2007. Five years after the last chapter descended upon us, R. Kelly has whipped up an additional 18 chapters of the saga (and, reportedly, another 30 coming in 2013) to be served up alongside your Thanksgiving leftovers (9 p.m. Friday, IFC).  

In Catfish The TV Show, Nev Schulman helps young folks track down and meet their long distance loves in person. The series has potential to tread some new waters and take subject matter just a little bit seriously. Of course, in true MTV style, it could also seem incredibly scripted or exploitative.   

Crazy Cat Lady has gone from a silly stereotype to a career path thanks to Ben Huh and the staff behind popular website I Can Has Cheezburger. Get a peek at the inner-workings of Cheezburger as LOLwork premieres this week, focusing on the office side of this Seattle-based business.  

Tag-teaming Thursday nights, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia and The League make FX the weekly spot for quotable comedy and gross-out laughs.  

Love it or hate it, regardless of age, Halloween is a fixture in American culture. Whether you’re avoiding the holiday bar scene or just want to get in the Halloween spirit, this week’s TV picks celebrate (and poke fun at) Oct. 31 and all the laughs and frights that come with the season.  

Last year’s FX breakout American Horror Story surprised audiences while weaving sexy and scary storylines into one addicting series. So how do Ryan Murphy and his crew top such a sensational season? By creating a new frightening format altogether.