Everybody poops. It's a fact of life, it's a popular children's book and it's one of the first things you do as a human being outside of your mother's womb (and sometimes even inside) besides breathe.
Perhaps no one knows this better than plumbers (besides maybe gastroenterologists). Local Jolly Plumbing has placed a newish blog on their site called The Log Blog: "The Log Blog was started by a couple of city dwellers who wanted a place to go for when they needed to go when they were on the…go. Their hope is to create a database for all to share of the best (and worst) bathrooms in Cincinnati. These reviews are written from non-Jolly employees and is a sponsored blog by Jolly Plumbing."
Reviews for bathrooms list poo emoji rankings — 5 poo emojis means the best of the best — in categories including privacy, access, comfort, cleanliness and the ever-important ambiance. Each review also includes an actual written review.
For example, of the highly ranked Sartre bathroom in Over-the-Rhine, they write:
"A Royal Flush is a bathroom with a perfect score, the crème de la crème of lavatories. Sartre, you are so SO close. Beautiful, spotless bowl sinks, philosophy books and flowers on shelves, private doors for everybody, and perfect lighting. BUT. The thing we always ask ourselves is this: could it be accessed by anyone?
Would a garbage collector be comfortable getting off of work, walking into Sartre and heading straight to the loo? Since Sartre keeps up its fancified vibe at all times, those cute hostesses and trendy bartenders act as hipster security guards in the face of someone who may feel less than presentable. So the answer is no: one point shy of a Royal Flush, which we’ll call a Meghan Markle."
As of now, the Log Blog list is cute but short, so we hope they add to it. Otherwise, you'll have to continue ordering unwanted Frappuccinos at Starbucks and pleading with various baristas for bathroom codes.
Shameless lavatory plug: We also have a list of some of our favorite bathrooms for a selfie (which we are in the process of updating, if you have any suggestions), but you may want to wait until the ghost of poo's past have cleared before you pose.