Stephen Sommers’ noisy, effects-laden mess pillages a host of action-adventure staples — everything from Star Wars and Star Trek to Commando and any number of recent comic-book adaptations — with the subtlety of a sledgehammer to the senses. For those who care, G.I. Joe all but ignores its source material — which, to be fair, is an action figure turned into a cartoon TV series — cynically using its brand name to lure those yearning for ’80s nostalgia. (For the record, the ploy worked to the tune of a $56.2 million, among the best August openings ever for a non-sequel.)
Let’s not waste time: G.I Joe is poorly acted, clunky and downright dumb, a crass display of hackery that moves from one mind-numbing set piece to the next. Worse, it doesn’t even work as summer fluff, which is saying something for a movie rife with explosions, flashy gadgets, logistically challenged plot points and gratuitous cleavage. One word: Painful. Grade: F
Opens Aug. 7. Check out theaters and show times, see the film's trailer and get theater details here.