Here's How to Make Toilet Paper Out of CityBeat Newspapers

After you've read them, of course.

click to enlarge Toilet paper - Photo by Claire Mueller on Unsplash
Photo by Claire Mueller on Unsplash
Toilet paper

Things are getting weird out there, folks. If you've hopped on social media or watched the news over the past several days, you're probably quite familiar with the COVID-19 virus and concerns that have swept across the world. 

Businesses are temporarily shutting down, events are being canceled or rescheduled, and everybody is buying up all the damn toilet paper. 

click to enlarge Our Arts & Culture Editor tried to find toilet paper at Kroger in Hyde Park yesterday; there wasn't any. - Photo: Mackenzie Manley
Photo: Mackenzie Manley
Our Arts & Culture Editor tried to find toilet paper at Kroger in Hyde Park yesterday; there wasn't any.

Of course, this is not a situation to be taken lightly, and the CityBeat team has been working diligently to provide coverage of coronavirus updates as they progress. But in case you find yourself in a panicked situation where you come up empty handed in the TP aisle, we have a DIY solution for you. 

Some may call this self-deprecating humor, but we choose to focus on the sincere usefulness our mighty paper may provide you in a time of crisis.

CityBeat newspapers can be utilized for a multitude of things after you've read our news, culture, arts, music and eats stories. After thoroughly digesting our content, this fine bundle of newsprint can be upcycled into your very own free toilet paper — or puppy pee-pads, wallpaper, tiny paper boats, etc. 

Here's what you'll need to make your own TP:

  • A CityBeat newspaper
  • A large kitchen pot
  • Water
  • Aloe, baby oil or unscented lotion (these will help to soften the mixture)
  • Rolling pin
  • Mallet or hammer
  • Grass or leaves
  • Sheet or towel
  • Ladle or large spoon
  • Large cutting board or other form of flat board
  • OPTIONAL: Witch hazel (an antibacterial agent)

Here's how to make it:

  1. Soak the newspaper in water in order to remove as much ink as possible. After about 3/4 of the ink has dissipated from the paper, it can be removed from the water.
  2. Place the soaked paper in a large kitchen pot with leaves and grass (this will help to bind the paper fibers) and fill with water. Bring the pot to a boil and simmer on a low temperature for one hour. 
  3. Then bring the pot to a rolling boil for half an hour, removing foamy build-up as it collects. 
  4. After boiling, the paper will turn into a pulp-like substance. Remove the pot from heat and pour out the water while keeping the pulp intact inside the pot.
  5. Add four tablespoons of oil or lotion to the mixture, and witch hazel if you decide to include it. Mix. 
  6. Remove mixture from the pot and place on a towel or sheet and spread onto a flat surface using a rolling pin to make the mixture as thin as possible. Hammer out any lumps with the mallet or hammer. 
  7. Place a large cutting board or flat board on top of the rolled out mixture. 
  8. Remove the board after half an hour. Pull the toilet paper mixture off of the towel or sheet. 
  9. Let the paper dry in the sun. 
  10. Cut into strips. Voila! Toilet paper. 

These instructions have been modified from askaprepper.com.

Visit our live blog for the latest COVID-19-related news, announcements, cancelations and other updates.

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