Liz and Criss: The Wedding Event of the Century

Fresh off the premiere of Lifetime’s unintentionally hilarious monstrosity, Liz and Dick, comes a new chapter of a love story that defines a generation. This week, Liz Lemon and Criss Chross will be joined in holy hotdog matrimony on

Fresh off the premiere of Lifetime’s unintentionally hilarious monstrosity, Liz and Dick, comes a new chapter of a love story that defines a generation. This week, Liz Lemon and Criss Chross will be joined in holy hotdog matrimony on 30 Rock (8 p.m. Thursday, NBC). 

For six years, audiences have watched the nerdy, night-cheese-eating, workaholic Liz transform into a woman who … well, is still all of those things, but can now hold a stable relationship with a relatively normal man (played by James Marsden)!

But Liz has come a ways in this seventh and final season: She’s made peace with being the breadwinner while maintaining a feminine role in her relationship, she’s discovered that organization is her aphrodisiac and she even has the maturity to discuss conception instead of referring to any future offspring as plants.

Could Liz’s wedding party be made up of her ragtag group of exes? How will Jenna react to sharing the spotlight with a fellow bride-to-be? Does Liz still have her “$4,000 ham napkin” wedding gown from Season 2? Will we get to see a montage of Liz trying on dresses as Tracy gives expressive feedback, set to an upbeat ’80s Pop song? The low-key duo will probably just get a quickie marriage license at the courthouse, but a fangirl can dream.

True Lizbians will likely want to celebrate with their own at-home receptions, so here are a few tips. Just like in Liz’s everyday life, food will play a huge role in this celebration. Any good Lemon-approved spread will include plenty of shrimp, cheesy blasters and Sabor de Soledad (or any imported, off-brand “cheez curlz”). Liz typically drinks a classy spritzer of Sprite and white wine, but I’d guess the couple’s signature cocktail would involve bacon-flavored vodka. Dress in your finest PJs (Night Spanx if you’re feeling sassy).


Christmas in Rockefeller Center (8 p.m., NBC) -– Watch the 80th annual lighting of the tree in NYC; stick around for your favorite Saturday Night Live holiday sketches at 9 p.m.

Modern Family (9 p.m., ABC) – Mitch reluctantly joins Cam in trying to save an old tree in the park; Jay and Manny feel out of place at an athletically themed children’s party; Gloria’s “pregnancy brain” becomes an issue during a Costco trip with Claire.

American Horror Story: Asylum (10 p.m., FX) – A dark angel (Frances Conroy, who played old Moira in AHS Season One) enters the scene. The presence helps some but terrifies the possessed Sister Mary Eunice. Kit goes to great lengths to reunite with Grace.


It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia (10 p.m., FX) – Charlie and Frank suit up to help the old real estate company with a big business deal, but the office isn’t quite what Frank remembers.

The League (10:30 p.m., FX) – Pete fights a man in a wheelchair (JB Smoove) for a pair of shoes. The others question his athleticism. 


Whisker Wars (10 p.m., IFC) – After considering leaving the world of competitive facial hair for good, Jack Passion returns to the game with whiskered wrath in New York.


Dexter (9 p.m., Showtime) – Hannah’s father makes a surprise appearance. I really hope the show didn’t introduce that creepy arson specialist just to reveal that he himself is the phantom.

The Walking Dead (Midseason Finale, 9 p.m., AMC) – What an exciting ride it’s been, watching this superfan show return with such a vengeance after a lackluster second season! To keep us fans hungrier than one of Milton’s experimental zombies, AMC is giving us another midseason break this time around, returning with eight new episodes in February 2013. But with the impending collide of Woodbury vs. The Prison, this is sure to be packed with finale-worthy action. Comic fave Tyreese (The Wire’s Chad Coleman) is rumored to make his TV debut.

Boardwalk Empire (Season Finale, 9 p.m., HBO) – The war is on. Chalky and Capone challenge Masseria; Nucky reaches out to Rothstein; Margaret deals with a solitary battle; Harrow returns to Artemis with an arsenal, hopefully taking out both Gyp and Gillian.

Homeland (10 p.m., Showtime) – Brody considers resigning from Congress and giving up his bid for Veep; Saul looks into Quinn’s true role with the CIA; Carrie’s car is discovered wrecked and abandoned.


Sons of Anarchy (Season Finale, 10 p.m., FX) – Jax makes a deal that washes his hands of long-standing problems.

Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show (10 p.m., CBS) – Boobies and Bieber. For some, that’s all it takes.

CONTACT JAC KERN : [email protected] or @jackern

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