It's been one long bad hair day since the pandemic forced the closure of barber shops and hair salons. We may not currently possess the perfect coif of a London werewolf, but we are marching ever closer to the point where salons will be open again and you can wash that lockdown right out of your hair — with the proper social distancing, of course.
But some people are panicking and jumping the gun, staring themselves down in a mirror with the junk-drawer scissors in one hand and a bourbon smoothie in the other.
On a recent episode of The Tonight Show, Jimmy Fallon asked Queer Eye grooming specialist Jonathan Van Ness what advice he had for people cutting their own hair during quarantine. His response was, “I think the most important advice is to not. Just don't do it. What you don't want to do is mess up your hair so bad that you're still growing that thing out after the quarantine.”
Take it from an expert.
Luckily, this is an aspect of the quarantine that has no bearing on me at all. The last time I sat in an actual salon chair for a relative ear lowering was when my son graduated from high school; he turned 40 last month. My wife has given me a few split end trims over the years but nothing overly dramatic or even particularly noticeable, so I'm not personally sweating the reopening of hair palaces. But I do feel the pain of people who rely on a weekly or bi-monthly trip to a stylist to give them the confidence boost that comes from looking your best which in turn makes you feel your best.
Rest assured, your long(ish) national nightmare will soon be over. In the meantime, brush that mop away from your earholes so you can check out this hairdo edition of The Quarantine Playlist.
BTW, on the topic of music and helping people, there are a number of quarantine-related songs available for purchase on various platforms that are benefits for a variety of great causes. Former Heartbreakers guitarist Mike Campbell has a great new song titled “Lockdown,” the sales of which will be donated to Feeding America; the proceeds from Randy Newman's brilliant “Stay Away” are going to the Ellis Marsalis Center for Music in New Orleans; and the John Paul White/Rosanne Cash collaboration “We're All in This Together Now” will benefit the Music Health Alliance. Look them up online, lay down some virtual coinage and do good while listening well.
- Timbuk 3 - “Hairstyles and Attitudes”
- The Cowsills - “Hair”
- Kimberley Rew - “My Baby Does Her Hairdo Long”
- Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young - “Almost Cut My Hair”
- Morrissey - “Hairdresser on Fire”
- Rush - “I Think I'm Going Bald”
- The B-52s - “Wig”
- Bright Eyes - “Pull My Hair”
- INXS - “Suicide Blonde”
- Pavement - “Cut Your Hair”
- They Might Be Giants - “Bangs”
- Willow Smith - “Whip My Hair”
- Nirvana - “Hairspray Queen”
- Rob Jungklas - “Big Bouffant”
- Japandroids - “Wet Hair”
- Beck - “Devil's Haircut”
- Pretenders - “Don't Cut Your Hair”
- The Charlatans - “Jesus Hairdo”
- Rachel Sweet - “Hairspray”
- Elvis Costello - “Baby's Got a Brand New Hairdo”
- Southern Culture on the Skids - “Liquored Up and Lacquered Down”