Locals Only: : Fetal Position

Joe Lamb Eatafetus Trio

The phone rings. It's Miguel Ricardos, the guitar player for local Punk band Eatafetus Trio. He says the band is running late, but they can be recognized when they walk into the bar because he is wearing leopard-print pants. Not quite believing him, a simple jean jacket is what will distinguish me from the rest of the bar inhabitants, and to this description, Ricardos asks, "Is it acid-washed?" Within seconds of encountering the boys of the band, it was evident that hilarity might ensue ... and, boy, did it ever.

Eatafetus Trio is so called because, according to Chuck Nurre (bass), "98 Degrees" was already taken. And why are they called a trio when there are four band members? Simple. "Trio, in German, means four," Chris Allen (drums) says, looking around as if this is common knowledge.

The band was formed by childhood friends Jason Bauman (vocals) and Nurre in October of last year and was another project aside from their Rap group, Moose Lodge 138.

They were also in another band together, Oi Scouts, and they competed against Ricardos' other band, Gage, at a 1996 "Battle of the Bands" contest at Bogart's. Years later, they met up again and, with the addition of Allen, the band formed, shows were played and recordings were started.

In August, they released their first album, Shitty Songs for Shitty People, and the band says it went aluminum. They are very proud of this accomplishment, and Nurre wants to make it clear that they are prodigies, and their album is just like Nickelback "but with more freedom." Internal perceptions like these make up the solid foundation of humor that sets these guys apart from other bands.

Nurre and Bauman went to high school together in Anderson. They like sharing stories about each other and the experiences they have had with the band. Nurre didn't eat a baked potato until he was 20 years old. Bauman takes interest in the fact that Christians hate their band, and they have been known to play upon that fact by befriending groups on MySpace, knowing they will make people angry. They want people to know that their true motto is "Embrace the Fatitude."

Allen seems to be the most subdued member of the group, but as the night wears on he makes it clear that he might be the most daring. This is evident in the pictures on their MySpace profile. One night, after coaxing from a bottle of Everclear and other band members, Allen agreed to let Bauman brand him with a cross that was obtained from Nurre's father's funeral home. After the branding took place, he was convinced to go to the emergency room because the sore was looking infected. He lifts up his shirt to show the perfect scar of a cross that spans his stomach from his waist to the bottom of his rib cage.

Ricardos is the band's self-proclaimed ladies man. He loves karaoke, and his rendition of "Home Sweet Home" comes complete with singing that sounds exactly like Axl Rose, replicating Rose's dance moves just as expertly. He won Covington's version of American Idol, and his full name is Dirty Miguel Sex Panther.

As a girl approaches him to talk, she immediately takes note of the white leather jacket he's wearing. It looks exactly like the red jacket that Michael Jackson wore in the '80s, complete with the three zippers on the breast. These three zippers serve a very important purpose for Ricardos. One is for cigarettes, one is for his lighter and the last is for his ID. He is distracted in his very detailed description of these uses when he hears his name called to sing his karaoke version of "Welcome to the Jungle." He runs from the table yelling, "The Bengals won!"

As the night winds down, Ricardos says he would like to wish everyone a very happy Kwanzaa, but they are eager to get out of the bar because Allen has just lifted a bag of chicken from the bar kitchen and they need to get to Kroger to buy side dishes for their recently acquired frozen dinners. It turns out they got waffle fries and enough chicken for leftovers, and because of this their interview was a huge success.