Rolling Stone ranked the top 100 Instagram accounts, listing off the pages of celebrities, artists and others worth a follow. Social media kween Kim Kardashian nabbed the top spot, followed by National Geographic. And nestled between Rihanna and Beyoncé in fourth place is the official Transportation Security Administration account, @TSA. The page — and an accompanying blog — is actually run out of the Tristate by a West Chester resident who has worked for the TSA since 2002. Bob Burns populates the page with questionable items flight passengers attempt to bring through security — most often weapons of varying degrees, but sometimes things like props from Texas Chainsaw Massacre, including a corpse dummy, which made its way through a security conveyor belt screening. You can even tweet or Facebook message @AskTSA to check on the legality of odd carry-on items. Six unopened containers of grated Parmesan cheese? Approved! Machete? Leave that bad boy in your checked baggage. Unfortunately, Rolling Stone’s list loses all credibility by including chronic meme plagiarizer and general despicable humanish being, @thefatjewish.
THURSDAY, DEC. 08
Aviator, engineer, astronaut and United States Senator John Glenn died on Thursday in Columbus, Ohio. On February 20, 1962, Glenn became the first American to orbit the Earth, aboard Friendship 7. He was the third American and fifth person to travel to outer space (suck it, Russia). Glenn sparked a trend in Ohioans becoming astronauts — there have been 24 of ’em, including Neil Armstrong, who became the first person to fly a spacecraft onto the surface of the Moon and walk around on that bitch (allegedly) in 1969. Because sometimes simply moving out of Ohio just isn’t far enough.
FRIDAY, DEC. 09
So Donald Trump is TIME magazine’s person of the year. Not really that shocking, considering every president since FDR has had the honor (except Gerald Ford. Ouch.), many of whom more than once. But does the title really mean much after it’s been given to all of middle-America (1968), American women (1975), the computer (1982) and, most notably, you (2006)? Yeah, you — 10 years ago TIME bestowed the title to content creators of the interwebs, which thanks to social media really is basically all of us.
If the mag had an award for song of the year, it would certainly goes to Fiona Apple, who bestowed upon us (via a creepy and quintessentially Fiona Apple selfie video) an amazing Trumptastic take on “The Christmas Song” that opens with the festive image of “Trump’s nuts roasting on an open fire,” and closes with her Sinead O’Connoring a picture of the president-elect.
SATURDAY, DEC. 10
Hordes of folks dressed in Santa hats and beards, Christmas sweaters and increasingly infuriating holiday-themed business suits descended upon Cincinnati and cities across the country for the annual celebration of binge-drinking known as SantaCon. What once was just a drunken downtown bar crawl populated by twentysomethings (which, OK, it still is) has reached new levels of annoyance with hip thirtysomethings now also partaking, albeit ironically. But SantaCon’s origins are actually far removed from the barf-fest it’s become. The first event, called Santarchy (already amazing), took place in San Francisco in 1994. Inspired by a Danish activist theater group, surrealism and subversive art, it was intended to be a one-time gig poking fun at Christmastime consumerism. And like anything good and pure, bored YPs found out about it, co-opted the event and now use it as an excuse to buy a $100 joke-suit and run up nine separate bar tabs.
SUNDAY, DEC. 11
Returning to work after a weekend arrest is awkward for anyone — just ask the inevitable few SantaCon drunk-and-disorderlies who had to return to reality Monday. But when the incident makes national news and your job is to host a televised awards show, there’s no hiding in your cubicle. Silicon Valley star T.J. Miller was taking an Uber home from the GQ Men of the Year party to his home in L.A. early Friday morning, as you do, when he got into it with the driver over — take a wild guess — Donald Trump. The driver claims Miller slapped his head, so he issued a citizen’s arrest, as you do, and called the cops on Mr. Mucinex Mucus. This is why Uber drivers should never speak, let alone talk politics. Miller was quickly released without bail and went on to his gig hosting the Critics’ Choice Awards Sunday. Despite claiming he’d be addressing “the elephant in the room” during the show on Twitter, the altercation and arrest weren’t mentioned. But we all know what this was: a desperate attempt at some guerilla marketing to promote Miller’s flick Office Christmas Party — now in theaters nationwide!
MONDAY, DEC. 12
And speaking of awards, the Golden Globes nominations were announced Monday. There is a lot of love to go around for films like La La Land, Moonlight and Manchester by the Sea and TV shows including The Night Of, The People v. O.J. Simpson: American Crime Story and Westworld. Jimmy Fallon hosts the Jan. 8 show. Silver lining 2016: At the very least, we had some good movies and shows to distract us from the shitshow that is our lives.
TUESDAY, DEC. 13
It would kind of suck to resemble vice president-elect Mike Pence. Not because he’s particularly unattractive, but if you had a heart disagreed with his politics, you might be inclined to punch your mirror every morning at the sight of your own face. But being a Pence doppleganger didn’t get New Yorker Glen Pannell down. After capitalizing on the resemblance on Halloween, when he donned short-shorts as “Mike Hot-Pence,” Pannell, a gay man, made the costume his uniform and has been strutting NYC streets collecting donations for Planned Parenthood, the Natural Resources Defense Council and the Trevor Project. You go, gay Mike Pence lookalike, trolling for good!
CONTACT T.C. BRITTON: [email protected]