3-WAY
What it is: The quintessential Cincinnati chili dish and go-to B-roll for national media covering sporting events in town. Doubles as an excellent drunk food or kind-of-heavy lunch.
When to use it: When it’s Skyline Time™ or you’re hungry and don’t want to wait more than 15 seconds for your food to be plated and served.
PETE ROSE
What it is: The Hit King and prodigal son of the West Side. Depending on who you talk to, Pete Rose is either a symbol of grit and humility or a raging lunatic liar/gambler whose life is equal parts glory and farce. Like the rest of us, really.
When to use it: Could be used to express half-hearted regret in an effort to get something you really want. Or to add emphasis to any ultimate Cincinnati thing like playing cornhole or eating
a cheese coney.
CONSTRUCTION BARREL
What it is: The present and future of I-75.
When to use it: When you’re late for something or feeling like you’ll be stuck in the same never-ending traffic jam until they find a way to replace the Brent Spence Bridge — probably sometime around 2075.
FLYING PIG
What it is: Porkopolis’ unofficial mascot.
When to use it: Hometown pride, Flying Pig Marathon, sarcastic “no” answer to kids trying
to stay out past curfew. Or if you want someone
to meet you at Eli’s BBQ.
WHO DEY
What it is: The original double-underlined hundred-points emoji is meant to indicate a perfect score of 100 out of 100, often used to express general acceptance of an idea or keeping it real. This is the Who Dey version.
When to use it: After the Bengals do something cool or to sarcastically denote acceptance of player arrests, quarterbacks quitting the team instead of making $50 million or missing the playoffs because of missed field goals and extra points. The Bengals are in first place, so probably the former for the near future.
3CDC BUILDING
What it is: A symbol of urban renaissance or gentrification, depending on how you look at it and how much money you have.
When to use it: To denote the imminent changing of a building, street or entire neighborhood from long-neglected urban poor to “Goddammit, I can’t even afford the rent and I’m a YP.”
BASHED PARKING METER
What it is: A symbolic gesture made by baseball-bat-wielding Over-the-Rhine locals prior to the modernization of Cincinnati’s parking system, often resulting in mass quarters and free parking.
When to use it: When you don’t know where the automated box is located on a given street or you pay the robot only to forget to put the ticket back in your car window. Secondary uses include denoting how long it takes to park in OTR or being late to a meeting or restaurant.
SALMON SHORTS
What it is: J. Crew’s new salmon-colored club shorts pay homage to the classic Bermuda with a narrow leg, a refined cut and a clean hook-and-bar closure at the waist. Preppy white boys wear them to OTR, then unknowingly end up featured on a Facebook page called “Salmon Shorts of OTR.”
When to use it: To denote any time there are many bros in the bar. Used to identify OTR and other bro bars whether you’re going to them or avoiding them.
MAN IN A SUIT RIDING A RED BIKE
What it is: The rare slice of the Venn diagram created when contemporary urban planning meets Midwestern corporate attire.
When to use it: When non-cyclists dick around in the middle of the street slowing down traffic or ride their bikes on the sidewalk illegally.
EIFFEL TOWER
What it is: A symbol of this region’s ¹∕³-sized replica of Paris’ Eiffel Tower; in general, a symbol of Mason — our sprawling, taxpayer-base-sucking, 84-percent white suburban enclave that someday soon might be its own mid-sized city.
When to use it: When you feel like riding a roller coaster or don’t feel like driving 50 minutes to get somewhere that still considers itself part of the Greater Cincinnati area.
PARROTHEAD
What it is: Cincinnati was where the term “Parrothead” was coined to describe -s wacky fans. Buffett’s annual local concerts remain a once-a-year drunk-white-people Bacchanalia.
When to use it: To express when a person gets blindingly drunk and does foolish things in public: “Dude, Gary went full (Parrothead emoji) last night — did you find his phone or pants at the party after we left?”
BOOTSY COLLINS
What it is: Bootsy Collins’ visage (with the baller top hat and star-shaped shades) is one of the most iconic in music history. And Bootsy remains one of the most famous Cincinnatians of all time.
When to use it: To express feeling confident, cool and funky, ready for a night out: “I am feeling super (Bootsy face). MUST go out dancing tonight.”
ANTI-STREETCAR HYSTERIA
What it is: After the public voted in support of it and construction began, the “anti-streetcar” movement kicked into high gear, thanks to the vicious support of our new mayor.
When to use it: Could be used to cancel plans, even though the whole group/family agreed on them a long time ago. “I hate to (anti-streetcar emoji), I know the rooms are booked and itinerary’s laid out, but Kenny and I and the
kids won’t be able to go on the big all-family vacation next month.”
MIXOLOGIST
What is it: A guy or gal who makes fancy $10 drinks.
When to use it: When you are going to a cocktail bar or your drink is taking forever to make because some dude keeps spanking your basil and lighting orange rinds on fire.
CRANCELLED STAMP
What it is: Classic Cranley — whether attempting to cancel a transit project despite tens of millions of dollars already invested or pausing a bike lane only to spend $100,000 to re-route it onto a sidewalk to save parking spaces, Mayor John Cranley’s willingness to stop ideas-in-motion has led to the proliferation of its own verb.
Cran • cel (/kransil/) – to decide or announce that a fully funded project should be scrapped, paused or somehow interrupted with little regard to its intention and funding.
When to use it: When Cincinnati’s bossy-ass mayor says he’ll pause a project. Secondary use: to tell your friends to fuck off because you’re staying in on Saturday night.
LEDERHOSEN
What it is: Germans started coming to Cincinnati in the 1840s, and judging by the popularity of Oktoberfest and all things Teutonic in the city, they must have birthed all of us.
When to use it: To invite people to any of the 15 Oktoberfests, Bockfest or when you are straight grubbing on goetta and don’t care how long brunch takes.
CORNHOLE
What is it: In other places, the game is called “bags” or “corn toss set.” We don’t care if it sounds inappropriate — Sears calls them cornhole bags, too.
When to use it: Fairly straightforward — use to accentuate texts about family reunions, corporate barbecues or when inviting friends over to do other quintessential summer activities like sitting on a porch and drinking beer or going to the West Side.
JOHN BOEHNER
What it is: Outgoing Speaker of the House and proud U.S. Representative of Ohio’s 8th Congressional District in his truest form — supremely tanned and slightly teary-eyed. Boehner abruptly resigned last week after the Pope asked him to join him in prayer. Tears followed, as did the cheers coming from tea partiers across the land who still think they
can repeal Obamacare.
When to use it: To express being in a hyper-sensitive state where everything makes you cry (like seeing the dog in that Subaru commercial grow super old) or when Ted Cruz finally introduces legislation to build a border fence.
BREWERY TANK
What is it: Representative of our exploding brewery scene.
When to use it: You are buying craft beer, planning on drinking at several breweries or are at one and are too drunk and need to indicate where someone can find you to pick you up.
KIM DAVIS
What it is: A hypocritical martyr who stands up for her belief that working for the American government does not require following the laws of the land or offering basic human dignity to certain people because God hath made it so.
When to use it: Anytime someone holds their own religion over your head or when forced to attend family functions in Kentucky or rural areas.
TACO
What it is: There are new taco spots opening in Cincinnati almost daily. But, despite international outcry (there have even been online petitions), there is still no taco emoji. WTF?
When to use it: Tacos are probably the best food — use it when referencing Bakersfield, Django, Gomez Salsa, La Mexicana, Mazunte, Taco Bell... or just being in Northside in general.
ALLERGIES
What it is: Allergy season is pretty much year-round.
When to use it: To explain why you don’t feel like doing shit or are not coming to work even though you’re not technically ill.
