I've tried to remain incognegro on the political tip. But all the negative advertising, the onslaught of minute-by-minute campaigning updates, polls, percentage points and the grave significance of this, the first presidential election of the new millennium, have forced my hand.
I will now weigh in on the presidential candidates. Well, one anyway: Texas Gov. George Dubya Bush is evil and might very well be stupid.
Let's first take a close look at his stupidity. It's really hereditary when you take it in context.
His mother, Babs — you remember her, the bug-eyed, Lane Bryant-clad matronly matron of the Bush clan — put one over on the country when, as First Lady, she was ghostwriter for her dog Millie's book. That wasn't cute. That was mindless.
Then there was the time his dad, never known for his smoothness, puked all over the Prime Minister of Japan and did a back flip off the dais to the horror of those present and the delight of late-night talking heads.
More recently, and all his own fault, is the time Dubya flubbed the word "subliminal" in response to the charge that Republicans were running television ads reducing the word "Democrats" to the word "rats." Dubya said "subliminibal" a total of six times during the course of the same interview. Say what?
Call me crazy, but I think that someone requesting something as valuable as my vote should be articulate. Talking is easy. Dubya should try it sometime.
Further, the man who claims to be able to restore "family values" to the country had the audacity to lean over to his running mate, within close proximity of an open microphone, and call a New York Times reporter "a major-league asshole." Actually, his baseball reference makes sense seeing how he used to co-own a baseball team.
Now that we all know his stupidity is both intertwined in his DNA and daily manifested in his behavior, let's talk about his evilness.
Only one example comes to mind to bear this out. During his six-year stint as governor of Texas, Dubya has governed over more than 134 executions. Is killing people on a large scale a family value?
The precursor to the execution of Karla Faye Tucker, imprisoned for murder, was particularly heinous. Tucker gained notoriety for being championed by Pat Robertson and Jerry Falwell as having been born again while on death row. Her spiritual redemption was legitimized by the reverends, and they appealed to Dubya on her behalf.
During an interview in Talk magazine in response to Tucker's request for a stay of execution, Dubya showed his true evil stripes when he pursed his lips and in a high-pitched voice mocked Tucker, saying, "Oh, please don't kill me."
This not only sickens me. It frightens me. It extends way beyond the boundaries and definitions of a political neophyte making foibles and missteps early on in his political career. This is a classic case of a fool too stupid to realize that his evil, callous soul is on display for the world to see during a blatant display of the abuse of power in the highest order — when another life hangs in the balance.
All I can say to that is the rectification of Dubya's mistakes are between him and his God, whomever that might be. I don't believe America should be victimized while he tries to figure a path to that rectification. Or a path to God, for that matter.
I know what you're thinking. Just because a guy's proven himself stupid and evil, does that mean he doesn't deserve my vote? Pretty much. But also there's the fact that Dubya's not capable — without the assistance of a gaggle of handlers — of running this country. That includes deciding foreign policy, sending troops into battle, doling out money to social programs, balancing the budget and on and on.
Look, it comes down to this, people. This is such a crucial election. It's the first of the century, and the man who gets to chill in the Oval Office for the next four years will be the one to determine the first rung of leadership for the 21st Century. Two or three Supreme Court justices will reportedly retire in the next few years, with their replacements to be named by the president. It's also a census year, so the 435 Congressional districts will also be redrawn by the president.
In short, Dubya's proven himself to be little more than a privileged frat boy who got invited to the Big Dance 'cause his daddy's pockets are full-grown.
I'm not telling you who to vote for. I'm just telling you who not to vote for.