Tastes Like Stoned, Smelly Chicken?
We love companies like Ben & Jerry’s. The ice cream maker’s ethical business practices and charitable projects prove that old hippies who want to be successful in today’s business world don’t have to chuck their integrity and core beliefs just to get a foot in the door. And though we have some musical-taste differences, even we have to admit that the special-edition flavors like “Phish Food” have a crack-worthy deliciousness.
As weird as dedicating an ice cream brand to Stephen Colbert or Olympic snowboarder Hannah Teter might seem, the company has topped itself with its most recent specialty offering. We're not exactly sure how the new “Bonnaroo Buzz” flavor — a blend of coffee and malt ice creams with “whiskey caramel swirls” and English toffee — ties in to the big summer music festival. Heavy cream, coffee and “whiskey caramel” aren’t quite the first thing we think of when we imagine walking around a big field in sweltering heat for three days. But, to be fair, the Gatorade/pot/Patchouli-flavored ice cream probably didn’t test-market very well.
Putin: Now With Even More Gangsta
Russian Prime Minister Vladmir Putin has more of a steely-eyed take-no-shitness than even Hollywood’s most generalized, stereotypical depiction of a Russian Prime Minister. Besides that evil-eye glare, chiseled physique and sly “I will have you killed later” smirk, he's also been accused of being involved in strong-arm-to-deadly tactics to deal with critics. (For KGB that might be reading, Minimum Gauge would just like to say that we find such accusations pure Bolshevik and we thank you for your fine vodka, fake-lesbian Pop duos and sullen breadlines, which make us feel better when we have to wait in line an extra two minutes at the bank because someone’s depositing 6,000 nickels into their account.)
But Putin breaks from the stereotypes in some ways. Like, for example, his unexpected, publicly stated appreciation for Hip Hop. His participation late last year in a youth-oriented TV show featuring rappers, breakdancers and graffiti artists has reportedly earned him a nomination from the Russian Street Awards committee in the Hip Hop “event of the year” category.
We really hope Kanye isn’t up for the same award. For his sake. If he loses and crashes the stage this time, he might just find himself in a Russian prison getting waterboarded by Dolph Lundgren in Ivan Drago mode. Or at the very least be forced to listen to a Yakov Smirnoff stand-up routine.
The Tackiest, Best-Dressed Hecklers
Concert audiences can be cruel. A concertgoer at a Rock & Roll show might drunkenly throw a water bottle at the singer’s head as a form of constructive criticism. (Not constructive you say? “Quit sucking or you’ll get hit in the head with a bottle” seems like an important lesson for anyone to learn.)
A famous Folk music heckler once quite cleverly yelled “Judas!” as Bob Dylan dared to plug a guitar into an amp. And Whitney Houston appears to be getting an interesting new brand of heckling — her horrible live shows of late have been eliciting a hushed, embarrassed-for-her awkwardness (like when your grandfather uses a racial slur at Thanksgiving dinner).
Who would have thought opera fans would be the cruelest of all? Opera star Placido Domingo made his big return to the stage in Milan recently after having surgery for colon cancer just last month. Most audience members were ecstatic (uncomfortably long standing ovations, showering the stage with flowers, etc.), but even Domingo commented afterwards on the smattering of boos. Apparently, the conductor was the source of their ire, but still … booing during a legend’s grand return weeks after major surgery for a deadly disease? It’s like yelling, “Just shut up and play ball, Mary!” during Lou Gehrig’s “luckiest man on the face of the earth” speech. Even Philadelphia Eagles fans aren’t that mean.