HOT
Pimp My Horn
Now that "ringtones" have their own chart in Billboard, we could be just around the corner from having a Top 10 "horntone" chart. A hardware engineer from California is taking pre-orders for his new invention, the FX-550 Horntone, which looks like a satellite radio and is capable of uploading MP3s. There are some legal issues involved — noise ordinances would certainly play a factor, and then there's the matter of blaring copyrighted material from your vehicle. Initially, the only way to get compatible tones is through the horntones.com Web site (which doesn't have the tones posted yet), but we imagine it won't take much for even the most casual hacker to figure out how to upload some Metallica or Three Six Mafia. The inventor says the device is intended to be used only when the wheels of the car are stopped, so users can find their car in a parking lot with their anti-lock buttons (so instead of "chirp," you can hear, "It's right here, dipshit. Right where you left it!") or give a little toot of the SpongeBob Squarepants theme when picking the kiddies up from school. But we're totally gonna pimp our ride to have the device (going for about $150) play all the time. If you hear someone barreling down your street to the dulcet tones of NWA's "Fuck Tha Police," come out and say, "Hi." And lend us some bail money.
WARM
Cher Is Far More Deserving
In the midst of anti-war resolutions and other less relevant goings-on in the world, the State House in North Dakota recently voted on a resolution to honor U2 frontman Bono for his humanitarian work.
The resolution was defeated, but it could have more to do with the lawmakers' lack of pop culture knowledge than with disapproval of the singer's charitable efforts. At least one member, Republican Rep. Gil Herbel, thought the resolution was to honor Sonny Bono. Here's some advice for Mr. Herbel — the John Edwards that's running to be the Democratic presidential candidate is not John Edward, TV psychic. Do not hire Snoop Dogg to appear at your grandkids Peanuts-themed birthday party. And if you're invited to see Prince in concert, you should know you will not be hearing Charles, William or Harry singing Welsh Folks songs.
COLD
Breaking Pop Twit News
As we are all, as a nation, recovering from the shock of Britney Spears' shaved head (the horror!), you might have missed a couple of other news items about some similarly talent-challenged Pop stars. Latin Pop sensation Ricky Martin (remember him? He did the original version of William Hung's "She Bangs") is in serious danger of being Dixie Chicked. Well, if he still had a career in America, that is. During a recent concert, Martin held up his middle finger while singing the song "Asignatura Presidente" during the part where he mentions Bush's name. Martin, who performed at Bush's inaugural ball in 2001, followed up the gesture by sending an e-mail to the Associated Press saying he will "always condemn war and those who promulgate it" (well, look who got a thesaurus for Christmas). Meanwhile, two things we never thought anyone would want see — a Spice Girls reunion and, following the success of the Ray Charles and Johnny Cash films, a biopic about the legendary ... Milli Vanilli (?!) — are apparently in the works. The BBC reports that a serious flick from Universal Pictures about the shamed, lip-synching Pop duo is "in the pipeline." Wayans brothers, you have your White Chicks follow-up! As for the source of the Spice Girls tour news — we're guessing Sporty Spice. Reports say they each wants $5 million to do the tour. Can you make that much playing county fairs?
