Minimum Gauge: Sign a petition to have the national anthem updated with a feature from Quavo because we're all going to die so why does it even matter anymore

A petition to have "The Star Spangled Banner" remixed is circulating; recent Metallica shows reveal Cliff Burton's dad, Dave Grohl are cool dudes (and you can drink so much you'll pee on a young family); U.K. fest bans pineapples.

Aug 16, 2017 at 11:29 am

HOT: Time for an Anthem Remix

A fan of Hip Hop trio Migos’ Quavo has started a petition at that, if it receives enough signatures, could be taken to the president, Congress and other government officials for a response. The petition asks that the U.S. national anthem be remade “to get with the times” and include a feature from Quavo, who has guested on about 40 tracks by other artists over the past year. The petitioner wants the upgrade to “The Star Spangled Banner” because, he writes, “Why not?” If Idiocracy is becoming real life anyway, it’s hard to argue his point, so sign here!

I motion that we cut the crap and just make this song the national anthem (feat. Quavo, of course) and Hulk Hogan the president:

WARM: Metallica Gig News Roundup

There was an unusual amount of Metallica-concert news this week. It was revealed in an interview that the 92-year-old father of former Metallica bassist Cliff Burton (who died in a bus accident in 1986) has gone to several shows on the band’s current tour and that he funds a music scholarship with his son’s Metallica royalties. Photos also surfaced of Dave Grohl forgoing the VIP treatment so he could rock out with the norms in the audience at a Metallica show in California. On the down side, a really drunk guy was arrested at Metallica’s Phoenix concert after peeing on a couple and their 10-year-old daughter during the show.

COLD: Fruit Discrimination

If you’re headed to the huge Reading and/or Leeds music festivals in the U.K. at the end of August, be sure to go through the list of items you can’t bring with you. Especially if you are a fan of the band Glass Animals, but especially especially if you’re the type of person who loves pineapple so much you carry a whole one wherever you go, just in case. Along with mundane items like glass and, uh, firewood, organizers were forced to include pineapples on the prohibited list due to Glass Animals fans’ tendency to wave them in the air during the song “Pork Soda,” which includes the line “pineapples in my head.” They also can be easily turned into bongs or set on fire and thrown at Muse.