That Explains New Slayer Embroidery Project
A group of elderly women in a nursing home see an advertisement for “a rock and roll evening” and decide to plan a night out, hoping the music wouldn’t be as wild as that Elvis Presley boy’s. But when they get to the club, they realize the “rock and roll” was a bit more modern — Heavy Metal, in fact. Instead of dashing for the exit as fast as their walkers can take them, they decide to make the best of it and end up hanging out until midnight and dancing. It sounds like a script for one of those “old people go wild” beer commercials but, according to the Midweek Herald in southwestern England, it actually happened in the U.K. recently. When the ladies returned to the nursing home, the guard asked where they went and one of the senior citizens said, “Oh, just dancing,” before turning to face the camera behind her, winking and showing off her new lower-back dragon tattoo. Oh wait — that part really is from an old beer commercial. The ladies had a great time but repeatedly insisted that the club was way too cold.
When a group of young Bay Area Punk musicians in the late ’70s decided to name their band The Dead Kennedys, in their minds the odds of a beer company using their compositions in a marketing campaign was as likely as them being invited to become the house band at the Kennedy family’s Hyannis Port compound. And when they wrote their classic “Too Drunk to Fuck,” if anyone said, “We should see if a beer company might want this … it’d be perfect!” it was a seriously sarcastic joke. But, oh, how times have changed. Over in England, an ad on Spotify for Kronenbourg 1664 beer directed users to a free playlist of slowed, gentler versions of famous raucous classics like Motrhead’s “Ace of Spades.” According to reports, the lounge-y version of “Too Drunk” by French group Nouvelle Vague was removed immediately after complaints from a U.K. watchdog group that it encouraged “binge drinking,” even though it seems to us the song encourages abstinence. Either way, any association with the song’s probably not a great idea for a beer company. Pretty sure one of the first rules in Marketing for Dummies is, “Never point out that the company’s products may cause temporary impotency.”
Celine Mean Fighting Machine
Celine Dion’s heart will go on, but unflattering photos of her on a Tumblr blog will not. According to the Toronto Sun, the singer’s lawyers contacted the blog’s operator and threatened legal action. A post on the blog “Ridiculous Pictures of Celine Dion” revealed they had received a letter from Dion’s lawyers to shut it down. The site’s owner wrote,“I don’t have the money or time to get a lawyer to respond” (which is probably exactly what Celine Inc. was hoping for). We don’t have the cash for legal assistance either, but we think we found a loophole. Keep an eye on Tumblr for Minimum Gauge’s “A Certain ‘Titanic’ Canadian Diva Who Makes Awful, Boring Music Making Awful, Ridiculous Facial Expressions” blog.