Beardwatch 2013

Weekly 'Survivor' recap featuring Cincy's Matt Bischoff (and sometimes Reynold Toepfer)

Watch this week’s episode of Survivor: Caramoan – Fans vs. Favorites, "Operation Thunder Dome" here.

It’s been two weeks since the survivors first stepped foot on the island, and after the elimination of a couple wildcards, both teams finally feel something of a sense of unity. Perfect time for a tribe swap! At what the tribes believe to be an immunity challenge, Jeff Probst gives everyone an “egg” to smash on their bodies. The color of the egg’s insides will determine the new tribes.

The Gota tribe is now: Reynold (fan), Eddie (fan), Andrea (fave), Malcolm (fave), Sherri (fan), Erik (fave) and Brenda (fave).

The new Bikal tribe is: Matt (fan), Corrine (fave), Philip (fave), Michael (fan), Cochran (fave), Julia (fan) and Dawn (Fave). Our Cincinnati boys are split up once again — this time not by alliance, but by tribe.

The new tribes are sent away with a fresh bag of rice and another flint. By strength alone, it looks like Gota now has an advantage, but our dude Matt has moved to the luxury camp, so maybe he and the others will be able to recharge and rebound.

The Gota tribe, specifically Eddie and Reynold (from this point on referred to collectively as Reddie), is ecstatic with the switch-up. They new tribe describes themselves as “gods” and “the young, attractive tribe,” very confident that they will win any challenge that comes their way. Reddie immediately throws Sherri under the bus, explaining to the favorites on their team that she aligned with everyone on the original tribe besides Reddie. But the faves are smarter than to buy into whatever he says — Eric describes Reynold as a “used car salesman — He’s got his beautiful baby blue eyes and he’s talkin’ the talk, but it’s definitely not what it seems.”

                                                       “What’s it going to take to put this car in your garage today?”

Sherri also blabbed to the faves about her issues with Reddie, giving the favorites something of an advantage. When the favorites know the previous team's weaknesses, it makes it much easier to eliminate them one by one.

The favorites also appear to be running the show over in the new Bikal tribe. Corrine is giddy about having “a gay” (Michael) on her team, but keeps a firm stance on staying true to the faves. Philip approaches Julia (who, bless her heart, has barely gotten five minutes of screen time in this whole series) about “flipping,” meaning to turn against her original tribe to join the favorites alliance, which comes off a bit too strong — to Julia and to the other favorites.

At the immunity challenge, Bikal is clearly the underdog, lagging behind from the start. Or as Jeff explains, “Bikal appears to be on some kind of medication, they’re so slow.” Thanks, dude. It's no surprise when they lose and have to go to tribal council.

Michael and Matt approach Philip to see what his plans are for the elimination. He wants to vote off “the girl,” (Julia) and spouts off a bunch of cray about "Stealth R Us." Matt and Michael agree to vote her off and eat up the secret agent bullshit — anything to keep Philip on their side.

                             "Yes, this totally makes complete sense. Go on."

When the favorites convene, they decide to vote off either Julia (the weakest, in their eyes) or Matt (who they are convinced does not have an immunity idol, and who is close to another fan, Michael). “God save the gay!” Corinne says, happy that Michael is safe. She knows either Julia or Matt has to go, but says Matt shouldn’t be punished for being open and friendly, when all Julie has contributed is a “nasally voice.” Ouch.

In the end, it was Matt’s honesty that bit him in the ass. The Bikal faves were most concerned about a hidden immunity idol and they knew he did not have one. He was voted off 4-3.

                                And with this, 'Survivor' proverbially takes a razor to its beard, shaving away all of my reasons to watch the show

Beardwatch may be coming to the end, but this is surely not the last we’ll see of Matt “The Beard” Bischoff. Maybe we're biased, but we think he’d make an awesome candidate for a future favorite! May the force of the beard be with you all.

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