Big Pig Gig: Pig Parade | Choice Cuts

CityBeat porks fun at Tristate

Aug 17, 2000 at 2:06 pm
Phil Morehart

Artists: CityBeat Production Team (Sean Hughes, Rebecca Lomax, Geoffrey Raker and Patty Robisch)

Sponsor: CityBeat.

This pig's pen: Sixth and Vine Streets.

This little piggy went: Straight to hell (with a side trip to College Hill). Editor's clarification: Hell is not 6th and Vine, but that's where the pig is.

Ins-pig-ered by: Eight previous ideas already claimed, so ours were shot down. Our theory maintains that there was someone on the inside leaking our ideas. He's been taken care of. After all that, "Choice Cuts" was our idea to comment on Cincinnati.

What the pork were you thinking? In our traditional rabble-rousing spirit at CityBeat, we decided to poke fun at all the hoo-hahs in town. Basically, we asked, "How can we make everyone mad at us?"

What impression should be bacon on people's brains?

"Oh, the wit and splendor!"

From conception to birth: Nine months, duh. Editor's clarification: The pig took a month.

Number of CityBeat deadlines missed for pig completion: Deadlines? What deadlines?

Thing that sent you to hog heaven: Pig butt, glitter and huffin' varnish.

Thing that got under your pig skin: Pig butt, glitter and huffin' varnish.

A super swine story: This one time at the meat market ...

Pet names for your piggly-wiggly: Pig, Piggy, Pigglesworth, Chief Piggums, Appig, Mrs. Pigbopple, Rev. Love-Pig, Bleeding Gums (Mur)piggy, Santa's Little Piggy, Piggomery Burns, Dr. Piggert, Sideshow Pig ...

Favorite slop: Krispy Kremes, potato chips, Fudgesicles, coffee and beer ... all sow-friendly food. No pork rinds for us.

Favorite pig part: Butt, of course.

What bowel movement most effected the outcome of this pig? That's just gross.

Liquor (or caffeine) cost: What's Dan's American Express limit? Editor's note: Return the credit card to Dan's office.

Art or just hamming it up? Hamart — a bit of both.

What do you think of all this hog hype? I love it! I love it! I love it! But it's best when you can see someone kicking their legs in the air.

If you were a pig, who would you be? Wilbur, Babe, Petunia and Pigpen.

Who does the pig most look like? Tom Jones (Sean thinks Chris Farley, but no one else agrees).

Who's the biggest pig? Sean — "Yum ... doughnuts."

Who's the biggest hog? Patty — Kept the damn pig in her backyard under lock and key.

Who's the biggest ham? Becky — All cheese, all the time.

Who's the biggest boar? Geoff — Never awake enough to speak.

Anyone pork the pig? Don't ask, don't squeal.