Cincinnati vs. The World 5.02.12

Proud parents Saarai and Humphrey last week welcomed the birth of the Cincinnati Zoo’s first baby camel in nearly 30 years.

Proud parents Saarai and Humphrey last week welcomed the birth of the Cincinnati Zoo’s first baby camel in nearly 30 years. CINCINNATI +1

After numerous surgeries, Ukrainian Valeria Lukyanova, 21, has finally realized her dream of becoming a real-life Barbie doll, complete with glassy blue eyes, a teeny waist, platinum blond hair and bulging Barbie boobs. WORLD -2

An eight-mile stretch of traffic clogged I-71’s southbound lanes last week, giving motorists more than enough time to gander at the family of geese leisurely crossing the interstate during rush hour. CINCINNATI +2

Conservation charity Tusk Trust estimates that poachers slaughtered 35,000 elephants in 2011 for their ivory tusks. WORLD -2

Ohio officials ruled they’ll allow the five surviving exotic animals — two leopards, a bear and two primates — to be placed in the care of Marian Thompson, the widow of Zanesville man Terry Thompson, who freed dozens of wild animals in his possession last year before committing suicide. CINCINNATI -2

Tennessee’s House of Representatives passed the controversial “Gateway Sexual Activity Bill,” in an effort to promote abstinence and reduce teen pregnancies. The bill bans teachers and outside groups from condoning “gateway sexual activity,” which could be defined as something as innocent as two children holding hands. WORLD -1

It took six years, but KeyBank has finally agreed to forgive the loan of a former Rutgers University student who passed away from a brain injury in 2006. Lenders have been continually hounding the student’s family to assume payment, leading the family to lobby for a change in the law sparing the trauma created by forcing loved ones to pay debt for the deceased with outstanding loans. WORLD +1

THIS WEEK: CINCINNATI +1, WORLD -4

TO DATE: CINCINNATI -1, WORLD -36

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