We've heard quite a few YULETIDE TALL TALES in our time. And they haven't allowed us to nestle up with visions of sugarplums dancing in our heads. No, instead we lie there tossing and turning, wondering about various Christmas mysteries. Why is it "sleigh" bells instead of "slay" bells? Since Rudolph was such a suck-up, why didn't he have a brown nose? And just why do parents turn into foul-mouthed, possessed creatures when Christmas shopping? Inquiring minds want to know. (See Onstage.)
For some people, the Christmas season arrives with Santa losing his pants at the end of the Macy's Day Parade. For others, it's hearing "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer" ad nauseam.
And for some, it's a free-for-all wrestling match among angry parents in the hunt for the hottest toy of the season. Ahh, the memories. But we're simple folk here. We'll settle for the Christmas concert by OVER THE RHINE for a dose of holiday cheer. (See Music.)
You just can never have enough poinsettias. Just like you can never have enough PowerPuff Girls underwear or Britney Spears blow-up dolls. Of course, we don't envision Krohn Conser-vatory filled to the brim with bosomy teeny-bopper singers. That would be kind of creepy. So Krohn's WINTER WONDERLAND will resort to the same-old, same-old with red leafy holiday fare. (See Holiday.)
The release of the theatrical version of DUNGEONS & DRAGONS floods us in a sea of memories. We remember our excitement at getting our Dungeons & Dragons Beginner Set. We remember acting out fantastic scenarios with our friends. We remember blurring the lines of fantasy and reality. We remember plotting the murder of our family. Oh, to be a kid again. (See Film.)
Why didn't we have this brilliant idea? We were every bit the looked-over geeks in high school. We went to all the high school dances alone. We stood against the wall, twiddling our thumbs. We were laughed at. Members of the opposite sex turned their noses up at us. Hey, if we'd known we could have converted
our inability to get laid into a successful Rock act à la THE WALLFLOWERS, we might not be virgins today. (See Music.)
Everybody's doing a brand-new dance now. C'mon, baby! Do the Locomotion! Too bad we have two left feet. We could hardly be called the Fred Astaire of the Locomotion set. We'll have to make our way to the CINERGY/CSX HOLIDAY TRAINS for some pointers. We don't want the Cabbage Patch and the Macarena to be the only fly dances in our repertoire. (See Holiday.)