Golden Globes

Last night's Golden Globe coverage has left me asking a few questions: WTF is up with Kate Winslet? (See YouTube insert.) Is "windblown" the new hairstyle (see Renee Zellweger and Drew Barrymore)? And why was every female celebrity dressed in nude (see this, this or this)? —-

It also left me asking myself: Self, did I feel some sort of great void last year when there was no Golden Globe pre-show, show or post-show? Did I feel incomplete when my entire following day was not consumed scanning various blogs for best and worst dressed celebrity lists or watching assorted "stylists" and "fashion experts" on cable news channels talking about whether or not Miley Cyrus looked age appropriate? I honestly can't remember. (Side note: greatest Golden Globes live blog ever.)

So what is the function of these award shows? Why do I even care? To distill it down to it's essence, the act of watching the Golden Globes consists of watching well-groomed, attractive people walk down a red carpet in a warm, sunny place while wearing expensive/shiny clothing and jewelry. This in and of itself is entertaining and glamorous especially when I'm in my basement wearing sweatpants and drinking Crane Lake chardonnay ($3.99!). It has all the opulence and drama of a Jane Austen novel without the reading!

Celebrity worship is a much-needed escape from the reality of current events. These glossy, beautiful people are relatively unaffected by the economy, by wars and by suffering (unless you count Angelina Jolie). Caring about who is dating who and who is wearing what is idiotic and needless. It's the same reason people went to see movies during the Great Depression. It's something to watch. It's a world so far removed from your own that these humans are no longer human. They've become reality TV shows to the rest of us. We talk about them like they have no emotions, no privacy and no life outside of what we're willing to give to them. And somehow, for as twisted as it is, it's also rewarding and interesting.

OK, enough about that. What I really want to know is Evan Rachel Wood dating Mickey Rourke? I know they keep denying it, but whenever an actor calls his co-star "beautiful and talented" it means they're doing it. Also, WTF was up with the dog comment? Here's his acceptance speech.

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