Jac Loves 'Ice Loves Coco'

Jul 12, 2011 at 3:23 pm

Plenty of people have a favorite celebrity couple. You've got Jay-Z and Beyonce, Posh and Becks, Jada and Will Smith and Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie — a couple so famous together, they've morphed into one entity known as Brangelina. Side note: I had a Friends-obsessed high school pal who quite literally slipped into a bout of depression when Brad dumped Jennifer Aniston for Angie. The topic of famous duos is really no laughing matter. —-

Heidi Klum and Seal have been at the top of my list for a while, for many reasons. The fact that a man with some facial scars can land one of the hottest bitches in history to have her own catchphrase should be an inspiration to all of us mediocre-looking hoes. In my mind, Heidi goes to bed in a one-of-a-kind designer gown each night while Seal sings "Kiss From a Rose" until they both fall asleep on a heart-shaped cloud. Their genes combined to create the most adorable afro-sporting tots ever. Apparently they throw the craziest Halloween parties. And they renew their vows each year on their anniversary with a fun, themed celebration. Despite all of this, one celebrity pair has risen above all others. And they've recently landed their own reality show!

Ice-T and Coco

Pictured: True Love

I really can't think of a couple I'd rather watch, obsess over, try to immolate, etc. than Nicole Austin and Tracy Marrow, aka Coco and Ice-T. After years of waiting, the angels over at E! have answered my prayer in the form of Ice Loves Coco.

Ice-T is a bad motherfucker. The Iceberg will always be one of my favorite albums because it gave me the phrase "My lethal weapon's my mind," and THIS SONG:

You can't not picture Coco as the girl in this song.

And of course there's his role on Law and Order: Special Victims Unit, Detective Fin Tutuola. Working opposite Detective John Munch (played by the always-wonderful Richard Belzer), Fin is an ex-undercover Narc and general badass.

Then you've got Coco. Say what you want about this glamour model (and we all know what that means). Sure, she looks like she got hit by the surgeon stick just two times shy of Heidi Montag. And she would probably be a cocktail waitress at a low-rent casino in Albuquerque if she hadn't married Ice. But I can't get enough of her. She looks like a video game girl come-to-life, which has to be at least thousands of nerdy dudes' wet dream come true.

But Coco ain't no one-note bitch. She has her own magazine, websites, clothing line and now she can add platinum-selling recording artist to that list. OK, maybe not quite yet, but this is musical gold if I have ever heard it:

What part of stiletto don't you understand?!

Maybe listening to a woman with an inflatable ass moan about making love to her high heels is a bit much for you, but there's a demure side to this couple that comes across on Ice Loves Coco. Apparently they don't have cell phones — they use one land line, like old times! Coco likes to keep a tidy house and cook for Ice, while he prepares speeches he gives at Ivy League schools. In their own multi-million dollar, silicone, sunglasses-inside kind of way, they're a regular Ozzie and Harriet.

The season is probably going to end with Ice and Coco renewing their wedding vows with a big, traditional wedding they didn't have in 2005 when they got hitched in Vegas. Since you obviously don't want to miss that, tune into E! on Sunday nights (but skip that Kardashian shit) or go here.