June 22-28: Worst Week Ever!

There are some things that business owners don’t need to fully understand — where their products come from, how much the excessive packaging will affect the Earth in 2050, whether or not too much contact with what they’re selling can cause mice to see th

Jun 29, 2011 at 2:06 pm


In most organizations, different tasks are delegated to the people who do each of them well — we at CityBeat have certain types of people who create our content (cultural connoisseurs and watchdogs of public personalities and institutions) and others who sell advertisements in the paper (people who wear fancy shoes and try to ruin our hopes and dreams for money). Same goes for the Cincinnati Police Department, which presumably has cops who are good at busting up drug dealers and others who put traffic safety at the top of their list. Officers from both sides are reportedly upset about a recent memo to officers in District 4 that describes monthly “goals” for a wide variety of arrests and tickets each officer should handle per month. Officers have compared the goals to quotas and said they’re unfair because it makes people look scared if they get all their jaywalkers before the felonies even though they’re easier.


It’s not like those of us in the journalism industry didn’t realize long ago that we could have done a lot better for ourselves in other professional fields (pizza delivery was going fine until stupid college ended). But even we were surprised to learn today that journalism ranked No. 1 in a recent list of the most useless college degrees, taking top honors just ahead of horticulture and agriculture. The rankings were based on career salary and the change in number of jobs expected by 2018, which for journalism by time is expected to be negative-4 million.


For many people summer marks the official end of “Wedding Season,” a Spring social schedule that each year grows increasingly crowded with celebrations of

unplanned pregnancy

everlasting love. Legislators in New York today added a twist to the future of Wedding Season in the Empire State, adding gay people to the group of friends who with a single “Save the Date” postcard can tie you up for two-to-four weekend nights during the few weeks of the year the weather doesn’t suck (just kidding married friends — your weddings were great; can’t wait to see your kids). Gay marriage supporters across the country celebrated the bill, which they believe has revived a gay rights movement that stalled when a similar bill failed in New York two years ago. One reason the current bill passed was a religious exemption allowing anyone who opposes the rights of gays and lesbians to marry to be a dick and not marry them on any grounds.


There are some things that business owners don’t need to fully understand — where their products come from, how much the excessive packaging will affect the Earth in 2050, whether or not too much contact with what they’re selling can cause mice to see the future (fine, be skeptical!). One such question will soon be answered by a new University of Cincinnati study: whether or not putting a sign in front of a business actually attracts customers. The study’s administrators say many people who purchase signs simply assume they work even though little research has been done (other than people thinking about it) to prove they a) draw attention or b) get read and understood by people. UC plans to announce its findings at the third annual National Signage Research and Education Conference in October, although most small business owners plan to rely on other unproven tools such as spreadsheets to figure out if they’re working.


If you were to take a stroll up Elm Street, north past Central Parkway, you’d likely feel pretty good about the future of the parts of Over-the-Rhine currently in the hands of 3CDC (lots of park renovation; bunch of poor people who will soon have to leave). Several businesses in Queensgate know what’s going through your head (“This gentrification is making me feel awesome!”), four of which today filed a lawsuit after City Council approved zoning changes that would allow social-service agencies to move from the residential Over-the-Rhine to the commercial Queensgate area. The attorney for the businesses said they support the work of the agencies so much that they feel obligated to note that Queensgate has no grocery stores or health clinics and is home to heavy traffic and people who dislike the homeless even more than new urbanites.


It’s always good to hear a story about a Cincinnati politician standing up for what he or she believes in. (Remember when Mayor Mallory gave that poor guy some money from a corporate sponsor of a TV show? Shit changes lives.) That’s why it was great to learn today that two of our esteemed Republican City Council members did the same, as Chris Bortz decided to leave the room during a one-hour discussion about his family’s company receiving the go-ahead from council to make mass money off a Clifton Heights development and Leslie Ghiz told everyone to shut the fuck up about it. The Enquirer put it more succinctly, explaining how Ghiz warned her colleagues about “glass houses,” which was assumed to mean that others have secret conflicts of interest, until Ghiz noted some plaster falling off the Council chambers ceiling and said if anyone yells too loud the roof could cave in.


It’s social media day. Do you know where your friends are or only where they’re saying they are via social networks? They might actually hate you. :(

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