Kasich Being Kasich

Governor’s real persona is more offensive than his political one

Feb 8, 2012 at 12:25 pm

Ohio Gov. John Kasich yesterday delivered his second “State of the State” speech, a reportedly hilarious mockery of political tradition that ranged from harmlessly wacky to straight-up sexist, while making a pit stop in the “Parkinson’s disease is funny” category.

Kasich’s apparent intention was to announce a new broadband plan, introduce an award honoring courageous Ohioans and try to say that his plans for shale drilling in the Northeastern part of the state are totally going to respect the environment.

But the 90-minute speech in a Steubenville elementary school auditorium included far more Kasich bloopers than usual. The Enquirer included in the first paragraph of its recap Kasich’s references to “non-bluetongue cows going to Turkey” and “a dream about Jerry Seinfeld in the back seat of a car.” The AP described the speech as “peppered with Kasich's usual array of off-the-cuff, sometimes puzzling remarks.

Those familiar with Kasich’s governing style will find these descriptions to be only slightly surprising. Remember last January when he called a police officer an “idiot” in a speech for giving him a speeding ticket? Or when he mocked Ohio’s drivers license for being pink (PINK IS SO GAY!)? Or that time he told a group of business owners that he wanted to make Ohio cool because the executives at LexisNexis said all their employees would rather live on the coasts instead of sucky-ass Ohio?—-

Apparently a second year in office has given Kasich the confidence to step up his game when it comes to acting like a teenager in a 59-year-old’s body (or maybe it’s an angry, out-of-touch 80-year-old mind inside his 59-year-old head). Either way, if yesterday’s speech is an indication of what’s to come this year, there are going to be some really great leadership methods enacted by this dude this year.

Further highlights from Tuesday’s speech, which was reportedly not written ahead of time and neglected to use a teleprompter (surprise!), included Kasich telling an emotional story about two women he had just honored with a courage award and then saying to them them: "We don't want to see those on eBay, ladies."

Kasich stated that he “never looked back” from politics, which is funny because he often blatantly acts like a 15-year-old asshole rather than a respectable politician (and because HE IS CURRENTLY A POLITICIAN). He also called people in California “wackadoodles” (a common term among 15-year-old home-schooled kids).

At one point Kasich reportedly teared up while talking about how Ohio needs to stop human trafficking (“We don’t want to see you in slavery, ladies?”)

The Enquirer also noted that Kasich imitated someone with Parkinson’s disease while referencing a deep brain massage — yet another instance of what The Enquirer reporter described as “typical Kasich.”

As typical as this speech was, it will never stand up to the hilarity behind this speech Kasich gave to a group of boring old businessmen on how he plans to make Ohio cool by giving tax breaks to companies like American Greetings. Ha.