Little People, Big Moron

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Midgets are adorable. I can’t help it. So imagine my surprise when I went to Lexington last night with You, You’re Awesome for a show at Al’s Bar (Owl’s Bar to Kay Bay Bay) and there were not one, but TWO midgets there! Little people? Whatever you’re supposed to call ‘em, I like ‘em! I like ‘em a lot!

Cookie was an adorable little African American midge in a doo rag and I was immediately endeared. My first real encounter with her was in the bathroom. She went running past me at top short person speed to get to the stall proclaiming: “This one’s an emergency!”—-

Perhaps her bladder is adorably miniature as well?

There are tons o’ schweeeeeeeet shows going down this weekend! Every new beginning of spring I proclaim, “This is the year I’m going to die!”

Warm weather brings with it a level o’ drinking and debauchery that I’m always amazed to survive. Plus, your favorite bands are playing EVERYWHERE.

TONIGHT! Critical Mass Masquerade and after soiree at Grammer’s. Starts on Fountain Square at 5:30 p.m., and 6 p.m. = RIDE! Mona Medusa, Caterpillar Tracks, The Prohibitionists and The Host are at Northside Tavern. Peter Bjorn and John at the Southgate House with Chairlift! Also, ‘tis the self-proclaimed “Magnificent Return” o’ Toy Band in the SGH lounge w/Love in October and The Seedy Seeds.

I’m dizzy! Mostly due to inordinate amounts o’ whiskey and tequila combined last night. I couldn’t pull myself out o’ a certain cloudesque bed until 2 p.m. today. It still beckons me back.

Cookie later walked up to me outside and asked me to take a picture of her with her brother. She also posed for a pic with me and my friends a few minutes later. CUTEST. THING. EVER! I like teensy-weensy, adorable, Lilliputian things, cock being the exception.

Ever since I was a wee midget myself, growing up in bumfuck Kentucky, I’ve always wished there was a way you could inject puppies and kittens with something harmless, but that would keep ‘em little forever. Things in miniature are adorable. I typically want to eat them too! When I see cute, little things I want to snatch ‘em up and put ‘em in my mouth! My bestest friend and wifey, Daniele Pfarr, and I joke about how we wanna eat the heads off o’ babies all the time.

We are not weird. C’mon, everyone has those urges, right?!

I refrained from eating Cookie last night. ‘Tis just a fantasy, I’m not really cannibalistic in nature, nor do I eat the neighbors pets or offspring. I think about it though, in a cute way. No real chewing or dismemberment plans.

No chopping things up in small pieces and burying ‘em in black plastic garbage bags in the woods.

I DO NOT drive a dark van with tinted windows and drive around offering little kids candy either, SICKOS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

S-A-T-U-R-D-A-Y NIGHT! The French Kicks with Enlou and You, You’re Awesome at Mad Hatter. Fizzgig has their final show at Southgate House! (Yes, Garry Zink, I did put the final Fizzgig show in my “pubes blog” this week!) Ha! The Comet hosts The Lions Rampant with Creepin’ Charley and the Boneyard Orchestra.

Dancewise: Friday = CAC. Contemporary Friday’s: SPIN presents ‘The Price is Light’ with DJ’s Northside Nick and Chris Collins. Stars n’ Bars with Seb B. at C&D. Saturday, Pretty in PRIS at Molly Malone’s in Covington and Gerald Shell DJ’s C&D.

By the end o’ the night I picked Cookie up! I’d been wanting to all night, but didn’t know if it was uncouth to just run over and pick up a little person. I asked her first! I pick up regular, skinny rock dudes all the time; I don’t see why this is so different. She was a lot heavier than I expected. Dense. ADORABLE!

The Tillers are at Northside Tavern on Sunday night to wind down your weekend.

No midgets, pets or babies were harmed in the making o’ this blog. I SWEAR!

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