Morning News and Stuff

Michele Bachmann, who announced her intent to run for president in 2012 and then promptly made an “oops” by saying that she’d be running with “the spirit of” John Wayne the serial killer. Well, during her announcement speech she also said, “the Founding Fathers who wrote the Constitution and the Declaration of Independence worked tirelessly to end slavery.” No they didn’t.—-

When Bachman was appearing on Good Morning America Monday, anchor George Stephanopoulos attempted to make sense of what just Bachmann had just shit out of her mouth. “Now with respect, Congresswoman, that’s just not true,” Stephanopoulos said. “Many of them, including Jefferson and Washington, were actually slave holders and slavery didn’t end until the Civil War.”

Bachmann’s answer made just as much sense and had just as little truth to it. “Well, you know what’s marvelous is that in this country and under our Constitution, we have the ability when we recognize that something is wrong to change it. And that’s what we did in our country. We changed it. We no longer have slavery. That’s a good thing. And what our Constitution has done for our nation, is to give us the basis of freedom unparalleled in the rest of the world.”

And George W. Bush ended the “War on Terror.”

Monday was a big day for Good Morning America with the whole Bachmann debacle. But to make things worse better interesting (?) Bristol Palin discussed her newly released memoir, Not Afraid of Life: My Journey So Far. In the memoir, Bristol, 20, claims that former fiancé Levi Johnson “stole” her virginity on a camping trip while she was drunk on wine coolers. Bristol said Monday that her choice of words does not allege sexual assault. “That’s what it felt like. I’m not accusing Levi of date rape or rape at all,” Palin said on Good Morning America. "But I'm just looking back with the adult eyes I now have and just thinking, 'That was a foolish decision.'"

"I should have never been underage drinking and I should have never gotten myself into a situation like that," she adds.

Two French television journalists who had been held hostage in Afghanistan since 2009 were freed today according to France-3 television. Stephane Taponier, Herve Ghesquiere and their translator Reza Din were all released, and according to Prime Minister Francois Fillon are in good health despite being wrapped up in one of France’s longest hostage ordeals.

President Nocolas Sarkozy thanked “everyone who participated in freeing the hostages.” Ghesquiere and cameraman Taponier were covering a story about reconstruction on a road east of Kabul when the Taliban insurgency movement took the two seasoned journalists. The Taliban made a set of demands, which were never published, in exchange for the two men’s freedom. "For the past several hours our two French hostages in Afghanistan are in the hands of French forces at the Tagab base," Fillon told legislators. "Our two hostages are in good health and will be on French soil in several hours."

France-3 immediately put up a thumbnail image on the upper left corner of the screen showing the two journalists' faces, with the word "FREE" in big white letters.

Selena Gomes — and Shia LaBeef — who in my mind is still that same annoying little bastard from Boy Meets World Even Stevens but in actuality is an annoying little bastard who just starred in Michael Bay’s latest mistake, Transformers: Dark Side of the Moon are reportedly dating. OmGag.

An 89-year-old Pennsylvania woman used her cane to dent the car of two thugs who stole her friend’s purse and the police were able to track the car down based on the cane’s imprint. Get it, granny.

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