Morning News and Stuff

I hope you stocked up on Spam 'cause the government just shut down! Just kidding. But it might. Democrats say Republicans are prepared to shut down the government over a women’s health policy rider whereas Republicans say Democrats need to “get serious” about spending cuts. Whomever’s fault it is, if Congress doesn’t pass a budget for the rest of the fiscal year by midnight today, the federal government will stop operating. Negotiations between President Obama and House Speaker John Boehner lasted until 3 a.m. this morning but no agreement was reached. "This all deals with women's health," Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid said this morning. "Everything has been resolved, everything ... that is the only issue that was left undone when we left the White House last night."—-

"We agreed on spending cuts, and they still are not happy," he added. The GOP insists there has been no agreement reached on how much spending will be cut from the budget.

• The Second Coming: The Touchdown Jesus statue that burned down a little less than a year ago due to a lightning strike will soon be resurrected. Reports suggest that work will begin on the new statue, titled “Come Unto Me,” sometime in May. The new statue, which will be 51 feet high and rest on 11 feet of rubble, will depict Jesus holding his arms outward instead of up in the wiar. New nicknames such as, “Zombie Jesus” and “Night of the Living Jesus” are already being tossed around.

• Donald Trump’s new infatuation with President Obama has been taken to the next level. Trump, who in an interview with the lovely ladies of The View last month professed skepticism over the president’s citizenship, has hired people to search for Obama’s birth records. In a Thursday interview with Today, Trump said the best thing Obama has done was getting elected. “If I had my choice of having Obama do great as a president, and do a really great job for this country, and not running, as opposed to running — I'd prefer that he did a great job. I love this country. But, this country is going to hell. If he wasn’t born in this country, he has conned the whole world.”

Trump’s rant continued with him saying that all of the 2012 Republican presidential hopefuls have been nice to him and that he is the next George Washington. “I know this. I will be better than anybody. I will do the best job. If I decide to run, I will do the best job. I will be best for this country. And, you may say, ‘Oh, gee, that doesn't sound like George Washington.’ Well, guess what? Before George Washington ran, he didn't sound like George Washington either. I will be and do a great job, if I run and if I win.”

And what, you think Kim Jong Il sounded like Kim Jong Il before he ran? Oh, and Washington didn’t run. The Electoral College thrust him into the throws of presidency.

While Obama has not come out and said anything about Trump’s “Where in the world is Obama From?” crusade, Vice President Joe Biden’s daughter Ashley has told Trump to “bring it on!” Thursday night, Ashley posted on her Facebook page that she is “Boycotting The Apprentice,” and that “Donald Trump makes me ill."

• Still stuck on that whole same-sex marriage debate? Get over it. Down South they’re moving forward backward. In a poll released Thursday, 46 percent of registered Republican voters in Mississippi said that not only do they think that interracial marriage is wrong, but it should be illegal. The poll also found that voters who thought interracial marriage should be outlawed favor Sarah Palin and Mike Huckabee as 2012 presidential hopefuls.

• Republican lawmakers in Idaho yesterday finalized an anti-abortion bill that rejects the rape exception because “The Hand of The Almighty” was at work. State Rep. Brent Crane, the bill’s sponsor, says that women should trust God to turn the consequences of their sexual assault into “wonderful examples.”

Holy shit.

• The Reds suffered their first loss to the season last night to the Astros. The Texas Rangers are now the last undefeated team in the Majors. But the Red Sox are 0-6. Maybe they should bring this guy (or this song) back:

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