Star idolization reached a new low — or a technical high, depending on how you look at it — when celebrity-by-default Paris Hilton had her trusty Sidekick (a combo cell phone and PDA) hacked into and its contents revealed on the Internet. A photo of Hilton kissing MTV VJ Eglantina Zingg makes a dull sex scandal when you consider that anyone interested in Hilton already owns her unauthorized sex tape. The popular Sidekick items were the phone numbers to Hilton's celebrity pals, Christina Aguilera, Eminem and Ashley Olsen, who were forced to change numbers after a barrage of calls. Missing are e-mails from Hilton's publicists asking her not to speak unscripted to the press and calendar confirmation of her acting for beginners classes.
My tips for the next Sidekick targets include squeaky-clean actress Natalie Portman, who in my dreams carries around plenty of fantastic dirty secrets, including a diary of why she regrets participating in the Star Wars movies. Better yet, imagine the Sidekick contents of lip-synch princess Ashlee Simpson: countless instant messages between her and Hilton, comparing notes about maintaining fame without an ounce of talent. Their top solution: Pretend your Sidekick has been hacked for all to see.