Not Keeping Up with the Kardashians

Keeping up with the Kardashians isn’t about reality. It’s pureplastic, pure phony baloney. It’s rich people who have done nothing to deservethat wealth and status and who think they have real problems and issues

Sep 4, 2014 at 3:36 pm

I don’t live in a cave, but I do pick and choose what I’m interested in, and I’ve never given the Kardashians much thought. I know they have some kind of television show and one of them is named Kim and another one is named Khloe and that they’re rich and famous, but that’s about all I know. They don’t affect my life in the least.

Having said that, I’ve noticed The Huffington Post seems to give these people a lot of space. There are many stories about them on that online publication — especially Kim Kardashian. I kind of got curious. Who are these people? I decided to do a Google search.

The biggest thing the Kardashians have going for them is that television show, Keeping up with the Kardashians. It’s been on the E! Network since October 14, 2007. I think I knew about this series, but I didn’t know that it was created by Ryan Seacrest. Already, I don’t like where this is going. Apparently there are spinoffs of this show, spinoffs I’m not going to take the time to research.

Keeping up with the Kardashians is a reality television series. You all know that I’m sure, but I didn’t. Keep in mind I’m a guy who has never even watched an episode of Survivor. Also keep in mind I’m a guy who hasn’t owned a television set in years.

While reading about the cast of the show, I found out Kris Jenner is the mother of Kourtney, Kim, Khloe and Rob — in that order. She was married to Robert Kardashian, who was O.J. Simpson’s lawyer. I guess that’s why the last name, Kardashian, sounds familiar to me. Kris is now married to Bruce Jenner who I remember from the Olympic Games back in the 1970s. Bruce looks like he’s had a facelift that’s gone bad. He may now be separated from his wife Kris and he may want a sex change operation. I don’t care enough to find out anymore about it.

Getting back to Kris, she’s had breast implants “installed” twice, has had a nose job, had a daytime talk show that was cancelled after six weeks and manages her kids’ careers. OK, that’s what I’m really interested in — this career stuff.

Kourtney Kardashian is 35 years old and is considered a television personality. She first got media attention through her friend Paris Hilton who, of course, is famous for doing nothing. Apparently Kourtney does do something. Besides that E! television show, she’s a fashion designer and also has fragrances.

Kim Kardashian, the most famous of the kids, is 33 yearsold and is considered a television personality (stick with me on this job title as I see a pattern developing). Her first claim to fame was a sex tape that was leaked to the media in 2007 with boyfriend Ray J. She was married to Kris Humphries for 72 days in 2011 and now she’s with rapper Kanye West. They have a daughter together. Like sister Kourtney, she has fragrances and in April of next year, will release a 352-page book of selfies. The book will be called “Selfish.” That sounds about right.

Khloe Kardashian is 30 years old and is considered a television personality. She’s been married and divorced. She co-hosted the U.S. version of The X-Factor but was canned after one season. She’s also into fashion and, like her two sisters, has fragrances.

Rob Kardashian is 27 years old and is considered a television personality. Mother Kris Jenner is managing her son and her three daughter’s careers, and their “careers” are their “personalities.” Does that seem right to you? It seems a bit bizarre to me.

Anyway, in getting back to Rob, he was a contestant on season 13 of Dancing with the Stars. He didn’t win. Unlike his sisters, he doesn’t have any fragrances available but he does have a line of socks he’s pushing. I don’t know if the socks are scented or not.

There are other people involved with the Kardashians’ reality show — half brothers, half sisters, etc. — but the more I delved into this stuff, the less interested I became and I hadn’t even watched the damn television show yet.

Getting around to doing that, I told myself I should watch a couple hours of this reality program at YouTube to get a feel for it. After watching bits and pieces for 15 minutes, I had seen enough and was fed up with it. I was almost sick to my stomach.

Keeping up with the Kardashians isn’t about reality. It’s pure plastic, pure phony baloney. It’s rich people who have done nothing to deserve that wealth and status and who think they have real problems and issues to deal with. They don’t.

I don’t care that Khloe admits to knowing that Lamar cheated. Kylie confronting Brody over a snub does nothing for me. Kris breaking down in front of Kim about Rob’s troubles doesn’t make me feel sad. With all those cameras around them, the show seems scripted to me. Again, it’s not reality. It’s phony. Why do so many people watch this crap?

When I first started doing this research on the Kardashians, I thought Kim Kardashian was a very beautiful woman, but the more I listen to her talk and the more I come to know her, she’s not so beautiful. She’s shallow. Hell, all of them are.

I did my Google search and now I’m done with them. I’m not keeping up with the Kardashians. I’ve got my own real reality to deal with. 

CONTACT LARRY GROSS: [email protected]