Predictions for 2009

In the tradition of Nostradamus, the internet is full of predictions for 2009. Here are some of the best.

1. From the Psychics & Mediums Network's Craig and Jane: There will be a knife attack on a top celebrity. This UK site is obviously casting a wide net, and since the damn liberals in the UK long ago disarmed the honorable hunters and everyone else a knife attack does seem more likely.—-

2. From Engadget's Laura: A tiny iPhone. This one I'm hoping for. But it is annoying how electronics manufacturers screw with us. "Check out my iPhone, the screen is so big I can watch movies on it." "No, check out my new iPhone, it's so small I can hide it in my mouth." The whole back-and-forth is a little maddening.

3. From Condé Nast Portfolio.com's John Cassidy: No relief from the economic problems. Well, Mr. Cassidy, there's a special place for people like you and the millions of others who agree with you. According to a CNN poll, 59 percent of people think that a repeat of the 1930s Great Depression is "very or somewhat likely." Cheer up, people. If we maintain lofty attitudes, the economy might piss us off, but we won't piss off each other. Hope to see you soon in the bread lines!!

4. From BusinessWeek's Jon Fine: A shadow media industry will be created. This just sounds cool; who doesn't love the word "shadow." Fine predicts that those people laid off from jobs in newspaper, TV and radio this year will band together forming rogue agencies. I'm not sure about other people in this industry, but if you lost your job once it doesn't make much sense to leap back on to a sinking ship. I want as many shadowy industries in our country as the next guy, but I think we might want to look to the internet for some of the traditional media ex-pats.

5. The final prediction comes from MSN's free online tarot reading: Here you type in your name and click three tarot cards. I got the Emperor, the Magician and the Hermit. Apparently I should cultivate friendships and cherish an established romantic attachment. This sounds like good advice, but the next sentence says "Smile, dear Cameron!" which discredits the whole thing. Why can't you find good psychic advice for free on the internet? You can get bootleg movies and free porn, why can't I get a sincere horoscope or tarot card reading?

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