Revenge is a dish best served cold. I'm sure you've heard this expression that means if you're going to get back at somebody, you shouldn't do it in the heat of anger. Wait awhile so you can plot something that will be especially devious and effective. Also, waiting might give you pause as to whether the action that wronged you is really worthy of retaliation.

I wish I could say I was a moral, upstanding woman who doesn't believe in revenge. Well, enter laughter here. I love revenge. It may be wrong, but as long as it's legal, it can be really fun. Even more, I love other people's stories of revenge. It's eating me up to not be able to tell the details of a guy I know who at this very moment is doing a dance of joy over a revenge plot he's been hatching for almost an entire year. Just to relieve the pressure, I will say the woman did wrong him and she deserves her comeuppance. Also his revenge would not seem like a big deal to most people, but it's something that will hurt her.

That's the beauty of revenge: It's so personal. You want the person to suffer exactly as much as you suffered. To do more would be malicious. To do less would be ineffectual. And to do it incorrectly will ultimately backfire. I'm a good case in point for the latter. I've been plotting against my man for over eight months now for making my last milestone birthday as sad and meaningless as possible. I received no flowers, no surprises. What I did get is a gift I hate so much that I have it placed in a prominent area so I have to look at it every day as a reminder that vengeance will be mine.

At the very moment I opened the gift I knew I would have no peace of mind until I got back at him. I was already counting the days, 92 to be exact, until his birthday when I would give him a shitty, thoughtless gift. Even better, I would get him nothing at all. Oh, what sweet revenge. Not! He was barely upset at all. That's what sucks about revenge. You can't announce it. You just have to hope it works. He's thinking I didn't have enough money or something reasonable, not that I'm still pissed off about my birthday.

Therefore, that revenge effort doesn't count. Back to the drawing board. Maybe that so-called dish isn't quite cold enough yet. It's been over eight months, and I'm still worked up about it. So I'll wait a little longer. Christmas isn't too far off. Hmmmm ...

Will getting back at my mate for a perceived wrong make me feel better? The perception of wrongdoing is key. Having your lover deliberately hurt you is worthy of revenge; an accidental slight or an action not intended to hurt is not. It's my perception my mate went out of his way to make sure I had a miserable birthday. And true, a mature person would approach him and say, "Hey, this was a important occasion to me, and I feel slighted. Could we talk about this?" I'm growing, but I'm not that person yet. So the person I am right now would feel better by making my mate feel bad.

As I said, revenge is personal. It's not necessarily a mature decision, but sometimes making your lover feel bad can make you feel good. Then again, it can create a cycle of revenge, and you'll end up with no relationship at all. That's what you really need to think about.

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