Season of the Bitch

I was thoroughly convinced that I was dying o’ Swine Flu earlier this week. I’m still not entirely persuaded that I’m not! Sore throat. Copious coughing fits. Drinking drugstore knock-off Dayquil and Nyquil from the bottle. Dumping some of it on the ground for my homies.—-

Helpful Web site to assuage your swine flu fears: http://doihaveswineflu.org/

When non-fevered clarity began to settle back in, I realized I’d prolly just been temporarily and cyberly afflicted with last week’s Caustic Bitch Flu, courtesy o’ the mondo-acerbic and verbose stylings of the lovely and sage jennjuniper…which ended up being a positive, as most churlish things do. Not only because it spawned MORE HITS TO MY BLOG EVER (thanks, love!), but also because it added a new word to my friends and my casual, day-to-day, lexicon.

juniper

-verb

1. an attempt to ruin; devastate.

2. to try to mess-up; destroy.

3. frivolous demolition o’ all things FUN!

4. to harsh mellows

5. to squelch dreams

That cop totally junipered my day when he gave me that ticket.

You can add it to your vernacular as well. Propagate it amongst the masses!

I still love you, Donovan!

Tonight, The Seedy Seeds and The Mighty play The Southgate House with Flotation Walls from Columbus and Coltrane Motion from Chicago. Jake Speed and the Freddies are at the Northside Tavern. Lovely Crash is at The Comet with The Blastronauts and Raygun Massacre. ‘Tis also the second night of Hands Across Basements, Cincinnati’s Punk Rock Basement Festival. Tonight’s location is The Warner House. There are several bands playing tonight and tomorrow night, so check out their page for all the band info.and locations!

All of the above being said, it never did ruin my day. It did, however, make me laugh. A lot! I really was just suffering from some sort o’ spring virus that was going around. Plenty o’ haters were totally suffering from the delusion that this was anything other than a blog featuring me being certifiably ridiculous and waxing retarded whilst tellin' ya what shows to catch for the weekend. 'Tis not like I'm trying to be sagacious in any way with this absurd drivel. I'm mos def not striving for journalism at its finest here.

AAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Saturday Night is Cincinnati Surf Explosion III at The Southgate House featuring Surf Rock from Roger and the Wraybands (Chicago), the Volcanos (Detroit), the Maladroits (Cincinnati) and Don't Fear the Reverb (Cincinnati). Night three of Hands Across Basements goes down at The Tetanus House! You can also catch Fists of Love and Tim Willig’s Science & Garfunkel at the CAC at 4 p.m.

Dancewise, Gerald is DJin’ at Grammer’s on Friday night and DANCE_MF takes over the back room of the Northside Tavern on Sat. in celebration o’ May Day shenans!

This has always been a The Morning After hungover blog post at best. ‘Twas the point o’ it actually. Grow an effin’ sense o’ humor and feign less geriatric pretension!

I love that some are so jocularly stifled that they are taking it so seriously. I'm just deliriously ranting at warp speed from the inner chasms o' the demented side o' my brain. How astute do you really expect one to be whilst projecting the bar/band happenings for the weekend? Are you fucking kidding me?! Pull the fucking telephone poles out of your assholes and pray for no residual splinters! I bet you give deliriously boring blow jobs as well!

Sorry, I guess that’s my drunk, ninth grade education talking. It keeps rearing its ugly head.

Rant cessation commence! I need to start packing for my impending move to palatial new digs in Northside.

A defense was totes unnecessary, but I really didn’t know how to trump pube talk and midgets on the fly without going into the realm o’ scat sex, and I don’t think any of us are entirely ready for that! If ever! Gah! Even this Pervemeister General has her limits!

GAAAAAAAAAA-ross!

Plus, where would I go after ascending that shit mountain? Yeah.

Suck my left one, motherfuckers and HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND! And for God’s sake, have a drink and reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelax already!

Ms. Juniper, I owe you a drink!

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